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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v.20

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 20
Most people believe that the wage is the main factor of making a decision for a career. In my opinion, I disagree with this idea as I will discuss in the following paragraph. There are several reasons that make me not suppose to support this idea. Firstly, I believe that job satisfaction will make people working with efficiency and productivity. Secondly, you might get more stress when you get more salary. For example, most of the occupations including a doctor, or a pilot get a higher salary. However, they are taking more responsibility in their roles as they are working with people lives so they could make a smaller mistake or any mistake could not be made while they are working. Finally, money is not everything. Some people are addicted to the amount of money and spent a lot of time on their career without recreation, or society with other people such as friends, parents, and loved one. On the other hand, considerations in the earning with a career also have some positive sides. To begin with, money is not everything but our quality of life depends on it. With a huge amount of money, we are able to purchase a bigger house, a luxury car, and other things that make our live convenience. Another reason to take wages into consideration is the more salary will push us to work harder that it opens an opportunity to get into higher positions. Moreover, a high salary represents a successful in our live. Most of the people who get higher payment on their career are the one who has got an outstanding education, high level of technical skills, or participated in many activities that benefit to the social. In conclusion, I don’t believe that earning is the main features to take into consideration while choosing a career, job satisfaction should be the first factor to consider while selecting an occupation, without it, we will not happy with our roles and we can’t grow up with our career path.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the wage is the main factor of making a decision for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. In my opinion, I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as I will discuss in the following paragraph.

There are several reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
me not suppose to support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Firstly
, I believe that job satisfaction will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working with efficiency and productivity.
Secondly
, you might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
For example
, most of the occupations including a doctor, or a pilot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
However
, they are taking more responsibility in their roles as they are working with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a smaller mistake or any mistake could not
be made
while they are working.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not everything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
without recreation, or society with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as friends, parents, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one.

On the other hand
, considerations in the earning with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our quality of life depends on it. With a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a bigger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, a luxury car, and other things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
convenience. Another reason to take wages into consideration is the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
will push us to work harder that it opens an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into higher positions.
Moreover
, a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
represents a successful in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher payment on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
are the one who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an outstanding education, high level of technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, or participated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities that benefit to the social.

In conclusion
, I don’t believe that earning is the main features to take into consideration while choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, job satisfaction should be the
first
factor to consider while selecting an occupation, without it, we
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will not happy
with our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
roles and
we can’t grow up with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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