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In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v.5

In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 5
Deciding on whether to stay with family until you get married or to leave for education or work is a difficult question. While there are advantages to both options, I believe that living separately is more beneficial. This is due to the fact that it is important to become self-efficient at the young age. On the one hand, living with family has certain financial benefits. If you like to live separately it would require a lot of financial resources and some families could save a lot of money if children stayed. Moreover, life with parents wouldn't be as stressful as it would be if you live alone. You will have enough time to find the job you want or to start up your own business. However, the main point in such tradition is that children could be protected from improper decisions. If they live with their families, they are not responsible for their families or jobs and they do not need to take major decisions as parents would mostly do that. A number of advantages take place when a person decides to live independently from his family. For example, people who go abroad to study at prestigious and honourable universities will probably have more job opportunities and higher annual salary. Living separately is also a great step in creating a family because no one will interfere your relationships or give pieces of advice. Lastly, it is an essential step in young people's life and this is the only way to be prepared for grown-up life. When decisions have to be made and possible mistakes would only be your burden. In conclusion, although living with parents is simple and effortless, it is crucial to leave your comfort zone at a certain age, to be ready for facing real life difficulties.
Deciding on whether to stay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
until you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for education or work is a difficult question. While there are advantages to both options, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
separately
is more beneficial.
This is due to the fact that
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to become self-efficient at the young age.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has certain financial benefits. If you like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
separately
it would require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
financial resources and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
could save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money if children stayed.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with parents wouldn't be as stressful as it would be if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone. You will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to find the job you want or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
However
, the main point in such tradition is that children could
be protected
from improper decisions. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, they are not responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they do not need to take major decisions as parents would
mostly
do that.

A number of advantages take place when a person decides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
The usual collocation for "independently" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independently of"?
independently from
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who go abroad to study at prestigious and
Possible spelling mistake found.
honourable
universities will
probably
have more job opportunities and higher annual salary.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
separately
is
also
a great step in creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one will interfere your relationships or give pieces of advice.
Lastly
, it is an essential step in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
be prepared
for grown-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be made
and possible mistakes would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be your burden.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with parents is simple and effortless, it is crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
your comfort zone at a certain age, to be ready for facing real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
difficulties.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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