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In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v.3

In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 3
It is a fact that a lot of young people leave their parents' house when they complete their graduation from high schools. They prefer to live independently as they continue their higher education or decide to work. This trend has its' own positive and negative side, but I personally believe that it has more benefits than the drawback. On the one hand, many people believe that leaving parents house during the young age has a disadvantage. It is undeniable that many young teenagers are not yet ready to live independently by themselves. Many of these people are not yet matured in making decisions and in differentiating between right or wrong for them. As a consequence, many of the young people become addicted to narcotics and alcohol or became pregnant at a very young age. On the other hand, despite the disadvantage, living independently at the young age has some advantages for them. Firstly, they will learn how to manage their own life and appreciate the time. They learn how to set some priorities in their life, as they have to make schedules for studying, groceries shopping, doing the laundry or cleaning their apartment by themselves. Secondly, for those who leave their parents for work, they would reduce the burden of their parents. Parents could stop the financial supports for their child and could be allocated for the younger children or for their retirement plan. In conclusion, it is true that many young age people choose to live independently these days after they have graduated from high school. Although the trend has a drawback, but I personally believe that it has more advantages for both the child and the parents as well.
It is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their parents'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
when they complete their graduation from high schools. They prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
as they continue their higher education or decide to work. This trend has
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
believe that it has more benefits than the drawback.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age has a disadvantage. It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not
yet
ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
by themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
yet
matured in making decisions and in differentiating between right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
for them. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become addicted to narcotics and alcohol or became pregnant at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.

On the other hand
, despite the disadvantage, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for them.
Firstly
, they will learn how to manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life and appreciate the time. They learn how to set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
priorities in their life, as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
schedules for studying, groceries shopping, doing the laundry or cleaning their apartment by themselves.
Secondly
, for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for work, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the financial supports for their child and could
be allocated
for the younger children or for their retirement plan.

In conclusion
, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independently
these days after they have graduated from high school. Although the trend has a drawback,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
believe that it has more advantages for both the child and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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