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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v.18

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 18
In today's expensive world, needs of the people are growing day by day. To fulfil all their desires, money is an important factor. Therefore, to some people, salary is the first thing to look at when choosing a job. To an extent, this can be considered right, but, I cannot totally rely on the amount of money I am being paid for my work. There are various other factors to be seen when looking for a job. Some of them are discussed in the below paragraphs. People enjoy their jobs when they are doing the work that they wanted. Hence, personal satisfaction is the factor that matters. For example if a doctor works in a high profile hospital of a city, where he gets a handsome amount of salary, but does not enjoy his work because he is not getting to experience different types of patients and cannot experiment with his skills as he would be doing if he were in a rural area. Then what is the use of having a high salary? His skills are being restricted. Job satisfaction is, therefore, important for the person to give his fullest in the field. Second, vital factor to see is the ambience of the workplace. The colleagues, with whom he is going to work and the employer should be cooperative, understanding, friendly and make up a good team so that it is easy for the person to work with and feels comfortable and relaxed. Finally, comes the reputation of the company or a workplace. Good rapport in the market and with the customers is necessary to achieve success in future; otherwise, the growth will be hampered. To sum up, the aforementioned factors should be kept in mind when choosing a job. According to me, salary off course matters, but it is not only the thing that should be looked for.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's expensive world, needs of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are growing day by day. To fulfil all their desires, money is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is the
first
thing to look at when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To an extent, this can
be considered
right,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, I cannot
totally
rely on the amount of money I am
being paid
for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. There are various other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
when looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
are discussed
in the below paragraphs.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
when they are doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that they wanted.
Hence
, personal satisfaction is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that matters.
For example
if a doctor works in a high profile hospital of a city, where he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a handsome amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not enjoy his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is not getting to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of patients and cannot experiment with his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as he would be doing if he were in a rural area. Then what is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of having a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
? His
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
being restricted
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
satisfaction is,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the person to give his fullest in the field.

Second, vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is the ambience of the workplace. The colleagues, with whom he is going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the employer should be cooperative, understanding, friendly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is easy for the person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with and feels comfortable and relaxed.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the reputation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or a workplace.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
rapport in the market and with the customers is necessary to achieve success
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
;
otherwise
, the growth will
be hampered
.

To sum up, the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in mind when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
off course matters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the thing that should
be looked
for.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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