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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 1
What should be the most significant factor to look at in choosing a job is the topic of much debate. While some people think money ranks top on this list, it is opined that there may be some other reasons which are as important as money to be considered. Admittedly, when an individual decides whether to take up a paid employment or not, the income to be received is one of the most significant considerations. This is because money is needed to meet the basic needs of life such as feeding, housing, and healthcare. If people were to choose job based on non-financial factors, they may not be able to support themselves and this may impact greatly on their quality of life. Hence, it is obvious why some people may rank salaries as the most essential. However, it is expedient to say that not everyone takes up a job because of money as there are other important factors to be considered that money cannot buy. One of such is personal fulfilment which is derived from discharging one’s duties at the workplace. For example, in 2009, the New York Times which is a well-renowned news magazine in the United States, stated in its monthly publication, an interview conducted amongst 100 doctors in Washington State University Teaching Hospital to unravel the major sources of job satisfaction at their workplace. Out of these 100, 80 reported that factors such as acquiring more skills, seeing patients recover following treatment and the ability to share in their joy, gave them the most sense of fulfilment while the remaining 20 accrued their sense of satisfaction to receiving high salaries. It is thus clear that, money alone cannot be considered as the most essential when choosing a job. In conclusion, while it may be correct that financial security is a vital factor in taking up an employment, other considerations such as job fulfilment should also be factored in. It is hoped that people learn to regard both factors equally.
What should be the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to look at in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is the topic of much debate. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
ranks top on this list, it
is opined
that there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other reasons which are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
be considered
.

Admittedly
, when an individual decides whether to take up a paid employment or not, the income to
be received
is one of the most significant considerations. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic needs of life such as feeding, housing, and healthcare. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
based on non-financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, they may not be able to support themselves and this may impact
greatly
on their quality of life.
Hence
, it is obvious why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may rank salaries as the most essential.

However
, it is expedient to say that not everyone takes up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as there are other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to
be considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. One of such is personal
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
which
is derived
from discharging one’s duties at the workplace.
For example
, in 2009, the New York Times which is a well-renowned news magazine in the United States, stated in its monthly publication, an interview conducted amongst 100 doctors in Washington State University Teaching Hospital to unravel the major sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction at their workplace. Out of these 100, 80 reported that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as acquiring more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, seeing patients recover following treatment and the ability to share in their joy, gave them the most sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
while the remaining 20 accrued their sense of satisfaction to receiving high salaries. It is
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
alone cannot
be considered
as the most essential when choosing a job.

In conclusion
, while it may be correct that financial security is a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in taking up an employment, other considerations such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
should
also
be factored
in. It
is hoped
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn to regard both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
equally
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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