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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same right as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same right as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v. 4
In this modern world, the perspectives of how best to treat animals differ among people. While some think that animals should be treated equally as humans and have similar rights, others opine that humans use animals in terms of meeting their diverse needs such as food and research. This essay will analyze both views and provide an opinion. On the one hand, proponents of animal exploitation argue that humans are the most important earthly creatures. If ensuring the survival of human race means experimenting on as more animals as possible, then this should be done. Example of such opinion can be seen in various research laboratories all over the world where drug testing is initially done on animals before human trials are carried out. Should these animals not respond positively to these experimental trials, they are not carried out on human beings. This example clearly shows that human beings are more superior than animals and thus subject to exploitation. On the other hand, those who think animals have equal right as humans opine that most of the reasons for predating on these animals are unnecessary. They argue, for instance, that most of the essential food nutrients needed by humans can be derived from fruits and vegetables which have even been scientifically proven to be more beneficial than animal products. To illustrate, in 2010, the Guardian newspaper, which is a reputable news magazine in Nigeria, published a study, carried out by the Nigerian Medical Association, to access the risk of cardiovascular disease among vegans and non-vegans. The study showed that there was double risk of developing cardiovascular disease among non-vegans when compared to their vegan counterparts who consumed more of plant product. Hence, it is clear that human beings do not compulsorily have to feed on animals. To conclude, although some people argue that using animals for food and research can be considered ethical. I am of the opinion that both animals and humans can have an enduring symbiotic relationship which will ultimately benefit both ends. It is thus hoped that steps will be taken to improve the rights of animals to ensure continuity of this race.
In this modern world, the perspectives of how best to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
differ among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be treated
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and have similar rights, others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in terms of meeting their diverse needs such as food and research. This essay will analyze both views and provide an opinion.

On the one hand, proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
exploitation argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
earthly
creatures. If ensuring the survival of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race means experimenting on as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as possible, then this should
be done
. Example of such opinion can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in various research laboratories all over the world where drug testing is
initially
done on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
trials
are carried
out. Should these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
not respond
positively
to these experimental trials, they are not carried out on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings. This example
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings are
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
thus
subject to exploitation.

On the other hand
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have equal right as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
opine that most of the reasons for predating on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are unnecessary. They argue,
for instance
, that most of the essential food nutrients needed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can
be derived
from fruits and vegetables which have even been
scientifically
proven to be more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products. To illustrate, in 2010, the Guardian newspaper, which is a reputable news magazine in Nigeria, published a study, carried out by the Nigerian Medical Association, to access the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of cardiovascular disease among vegans and non-vegans. The study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there was double
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing cardiovascular disease among non-vegans when compared to their vegan counterparts who consumed more of plant product.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings do not
compulsorily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
feed on animals.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for food and research can
be considered
ethical. I am of the opinion that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can have an enduring symbiotic relationship which will
ultimately
benefit both ends. It is
thus
hoped that steps will
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the rights of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to ensure continuity of this race.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same right as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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