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When choosing a job salary is the key consideration. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

When choosing a job salary is the key consideration. v. 1
It is true that most people consider income as a key element, when they choose a work. While, I agree with this view, I also think that there are other factors should be considered. There are many reasons why I partially agree that earnings is important. Firstly, salary is needed to satisfy all kinds of wants. For example, to pay house rent, to buy necessary things for family and oneself, stipend is truly essential. Secondly, among all assets, salary is mostly liquid element As a result, people any time can use this assets for any need, especially, in the future at an old age. Finally, many people in the society consider money as a means of honour. They believe that the office with low salary is not highly valuable to another. Except money, people could think some other factors, when to choose a job. The workload is one of the factors to think before choosing a job. Because if the job is heavily loaded with the works, it would be difficult to manage and continue. The second factor could be an environment where people work. It is said that job satisfactions truly lie in a suitable environment. For example, to work with a good boss and co-operative team is very important in a job. The last factor is distance. Many people dislike to continue job in a long distance. In conclusion, though money satisfies people to fulfil their needs, in my opinion other factors closely related to the profession are many ways important to think of.
It is true that most
people
consider income as a key element, when they choose a
work
. While, I
agree
with this view, I
also
think
that there are other
factors
should
be considered
.

There are
many
reasons why I
partially
agree
that earnings is
important
.
Firstly
, salary
is needed
to satisfy all kinds of wants.
For example
, to pay
house
rent, to
buy
necessary things for family and oneself, stipend is
truly
essential.
Secondly
, among all assets, salary is
mostly
liquid element
As a result
,
people
any time can
use
this
assets for any need,
especially
, in the future at an
old
age.
Finally
,
many
people
in the society consider money as a means of
honour
. They believe that the office with low salary is not
highly
valuable to another.

Except money,
people
could
think
some
other
factors
, when to choose a
job
. The workload is one of the
factors
to
think
before
choosing a
job
.
Because
if the
job
is
heavily
loaded with the works, it would be difficult to manage and continue. The second
factor
could be an environment where
people
work
. It
is said
that
job
satisfactions
truly
lie in a suitable environment.
For example
, to
work
with a
good
boss and co-operative team is
very
important
in a
job
. The last
factor
is distance.
Many
people
dislike to continue
job
in a long distance.

In conclusion
, though money satisfies
people
to fulfil their needs, in my opinion other
factors
closely
related to the profession are
many
ways
important
to
think
of.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay When choosing a job salary is the key consideration. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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