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When choosing a job salary is the key consideration. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

When choosing a job salary is the key consideration. v. 1
It is true that most people consider income as a key element, when they choose a work. While, I agree with this view, I also think that there are other factors should be considered. There are many reasons why I partially agree that earnings is important. Firstly, salary is needed to satisfy all kinds of wants. For example, to pay house rent, to buy necessary things for family and oneself, stipend is truly essential. Secondly, among all assets, salary is mostly liquid element As a result, people any time can use this assets for any need, especially, in the future at an old age. Finally, many people in the society consider money as a means of honour. They believe that the office with low salary is not highly valuable to another. Except money, people could think some other factors, when to choose a job. The workload is one of the factors to think before choosing a job. Because if the job is heavily loaded with the works, it would be difficult to manage and continue. The second factor could be an environment where people work. It is said that job satisfactions truly lie in a suitable environment. For example, to work with a good boss and co-operative team is very important in a job. The last factor is distance. Many people dislike to continue job in a long distance. In conclusion, though money satisfies people to fulfil their needs, in my opinion other factors closely related to the profession are many ways important to think of.
It is true that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider income as a key element, when they choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. While, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
should
be considered
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that earnings is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Firstly
, salary
is needed
to satisfy all kinds of wants.
For example
, to pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rent, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
necessary things for family and oneself, stipend is
truly
essential.
Secondly
, among all assets, salary is
mostly
liquid element
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
any time can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Did you mean "these"?
this
assets for any need,
especially
, in the future at an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society consider money as a means of
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
. They believe that the office with low salary is not
highly
valuable to another.

Except money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, when to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The workload is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
heavily
loaded with the works, it would be difficult to manage and continue. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
could be an environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfactions
truly
lie in a suitable environment.
For example
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
boss and co-operative team is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is distance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'dislike' is used with the gerund form: "dislike continuing".
dislike to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a long distance.

In conclusion
, though money satisfies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to fulfil their needs, in my opinion other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
closely
related to the profession are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
of.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay When choosing a job salary is the key consideration. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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