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Many students take part-time jobs while studying in the university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion. v.1

Many students take part-time jobs while studying in the university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion. v. 1
Most of the people who are pursuing their education prefer to work simultaneously while studying in Universities. In my opinion, advantage is that students can manage their expenses and also along with this on the other hand the disadvantage is tote cannot concentrate completely on studies. Considering the situation of temporary job, while studying pupil who has taken a mortgage from the government to pay their college fee it means the students who are not in a condition to pay their University fee at a stage it will be helpful to steadily clear the school fee every month. Besides that, it will be quite easier for them to control their daily expenses. Underemployment would substantially help people who are financially not strong. But, at the similar point they have to pay more attention towards studies. When it comes to disadvantages, it is tougher to cooperate both the pattern and studies for the immigrants especially for international students. Along with that people has to concentrate on their assignments depending upon their timelines. Because, depending on the score they achieve in assignment, students will be getting the job opportunities which they are seeking for. In my view, people who are very powerful from the perspective of their family, they can easily manage their cost of living without working while studying which in turn helps them to achieve a particular dream without much mental tension. In conclusion, there are pros and cons for both while studying and also the students who are not working. The pupil will be mentally strong, whose family background is well powered because, it is not required for them to worry about expenses which provides support in achieving their goal.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are pursuing their education prefer to work
simultaneously
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in Universities. In my opinion, advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can manage their expenses and
also
along with this
on the other hand
the disadvantage is tote cannot concentrate completely on studies.

Considering the situation of temporary job, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
pupil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has taken a mortgage from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to pay their college fee it means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not in a condition to pay their University fee at a stage it will be helpful to
steadily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the school fee every month.
Besides
that, it will be quite easier for them to control their daily expenses. Underemployment would
substantially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
financially
not strong.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, at the similar point they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more attention towards studies.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to disadvantages, it is tougher to cooperate both the pattern and studies for the immigrants
especially
for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Along with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
to concentrate on their assignments depending upon their timelines.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, depending on the score they achieve in assignment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be getting the job opportunities which they are seeking for. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful from the perspective of their family, they can
easily
manage their cost of living without working while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to achieve a particular dream without much mental tension.

In conclusion
, there are pros and cons for both while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not working. The pupil will be mentally strong, whose family background is well powered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it is not required for them to worry about expenses which provides support in achieving their goal.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many students take part-time jobs while studying in the university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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