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Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for their studies v.3

Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for their studies v. 3
It is true that some school leavers prefer to go for travelling or work for some period of point instead of directly enrolling in university. There are some advantages with the drawbacks for travelling or working. To commence with, some students are tired from the studies of higher education and want to get relaxed for some time. So that either they prefer to go for travelling or working at some place. Firstly, there are benefits like if students have chosen to travel, they roam around some places, communicate with new people and also learn how to survive in all conditions. Perhaps, the find their goal for career ahead. If they choose to work, they can get experience about how to deal with people in the real world. Work experience could also support for adapting real working life compare to those who do not have. On the other hand, there may be disadvantageous, if students do not go to university. A year leaps between studies because of travelling or working may affect to the studies. They might be forgot the knowledge of higher education and could find difficulties in studies. Students might lose their motivation towards the study. Most of the time, high salary paying jobs requires high university qualification, so it may be less opportunity to get a good job without studying. It is also possible that if they get promotion in their working, they might think about delaying the further education. To recapitulate, it can be proven beneficial if people use their leap to achieve some good opportunity or discover their interests for career. But if they failed to do this it can be proven waste of time in their life.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
prefer to go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
period of point
instead
of
directly
enrolling in university. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages with the drawbacks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or working.

To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are tired
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
of higher education and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that either they prefer to go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
place.
Firstly
, there are benefits like if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have chosen to travel, they roam around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places, communicate with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
also
learn how to survive in all conditions. Perhaps, the find their goal for career ahead. If they choose to work, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience about how to deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the real world. Work experience could
also
support for adapting real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life compare to those who do not have.

On the other hand
, there may be disadvantageous, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not go to university. A year leaps between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
may affect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. They might be
Consider using a past participle here: "forgotten".
forgot
the knowledge of higher education and could find difficulties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
might lose their motivation towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Most of the time, high salary paying jobs requires high university qualification,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it may be less opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job without studying. It is
also
possible that if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotion in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about delaying the
further
education.

To recapitulate, it can
be proven
beneficial if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their leap to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity or discover their interests for career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if they failed to do this it can
be proven
waste of time in their life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for their studies v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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