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When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parent. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parent. v. 2
It is argued by some that teachers exert greater impacts on children’s intellectual and social development compared to parents. My belief is that the role of teachers is inevitable, but nobody can deny the importance of parental education on children’s holistic growth. To begin with, children spend a large amount at school and with their teachers, which explains why teacher play a sustainable role in the children. In most of the countries, the average time that students spend at school is around five to eight hours per day, which is also the time for children to absorb knowledges and have interaction with their teachers. Another reason why teachers have a significant influence on children is that teachers are trained in both teaching a subject and instructing children with the most effective methods. Clearly, teachers have played a great impact on educating children. On the other hand, parent can significantly influence on children’s development because they are their first role model and establish for the foundation of cognitive and emotional development the first five years of a child’s life. As it is proven in Journal of Childhood Research, children’s first five years is when a child’s brain develops more and faster than any other time of their life. In this period of time, children are more likely to have more interaction with their parents. As a result, the children’s brain creates million connections with their parents, forming the base for the further development. In conclusion, although teachers make contributions to students’ intellectual and social skill, parents are the ones to lay the foundation over the maturation.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
exert greater impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intellectual and social development compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. My belief is that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is inevitable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nobody can deny the importance of parental education on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
holistic growth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a large amount at school and with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
play a sustainable role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In most of the countries, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that students spend at school is around five to eight hours per day, which is
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to absorb
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and have interaction with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have a significant influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are trained
in both teaching a subject and instructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the most effective methods.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have played a great impact on educating children.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
can
significantly
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are their
first
role model and establish for the foundation of cognitive and emotional development the
first
five years of a child’s life. As it
is proven
in Journal of Childhood Research,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
first
five years is when a child’s brain develops more and faster than any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of their life. In this period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to have more interaction with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
brain creates
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
connections with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, forming the base for the
further
development.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contributions to students’ intellectual and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the ones to lay the foundation over the maturation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parent. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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