Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantage? v.2

Some people think it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantage? v. 2
Some large companies and industries have located at outside of the urban, such as Apple, Google and Microsoft. There is a lot of advantage rather than disadvantage, and I would describe that the both of the points in this essay. Firstly, why the large scale of companies prefers to the place in the out of a skirt? I consider that the companies have many employees in their industry, so they need space and good quality of a facility for the employees. For example, A famous association is very fulfilling of facilities which cool offices, a Gym, a Pool, a Spa, cafes, and company dormitory for their employees. I believed that large companies are encouraged to their worker more than the association's performance, Thus, the companies essential the huge space and the employees would not be stressed by the job. Furthermore, I have seen the large industrial park in the suburbs, it is not only the companies are large, although some companies have some environmental issues, such as waste treatment or exhaust gas for reasons that would harm to people who live in the city. They have a responsibility in this issue. However, some points are disadvantages that I consider is, if all of the large companies have located in the suburb, the city has gone down the profits, population. This issue would very sensitive in the country. To conclude, in my points, the advantages of the large companies or industries have located outside of the urban that the companies trust their employees and sales, also they understand what is the best relationship with the association and others people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and industries have located at
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the urban, such as Apple, Google and Microsoft. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantage
rather
than disadvantage, and I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
that the both of the points in this essay.

Firstly
, why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
scale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
prefers to the place in the out of a skirt? I consider that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in their industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need space and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of a facility for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
For example
, A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
association is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fulfilling of facilities which cool offices, a Gym, a Pool, a Spa,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
dormitory for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. I believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are encouraged
to their worker more than the association's performance,
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
Did you mean "essentially"?
essential
the huge space and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
by the job.

Furthermore
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
industrial park in the suburbs, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental issues, such as waste treatment or exhaust gas for reasons that would harm to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the city. They have a responsibility in this issue.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points are disadvantages that I consider is, if
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have located in the suburb, the city has gone down the profits, population. This issue would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensitive in the country.

To conclude
, in my points, the advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
or industries have located
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the urban that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
trust their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and sales,
also
they understand what is the best relationship with the association
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantage? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts