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1. When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

1. When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parents. v. 1
Educational instructors are of great significance in terms of fostering children’s intellect and individual characteristics. However, parents also affect young kids in a various of ways and are no less important. Therefore, I strongly disagree with the given statement as I personally believe the combination of these two parties would facilitate children's development in all aspects. On the one hand, it is irrefutable that children under the care of teachers would effectively develop their intellectual ability. Because teachers are professionally trained in terms of psychology and pedagogy, they are expected to deliver academic lessons comprehensively so children can acquire knowledge about their surroundings easily. In addition, school educators can also teach their students moral values, which are essential for a child’s social development. For example, children can learn from their instructors how to behave well in the family or how to befriend with their peers through lessons given in class activities, songs and fun stories. On the other hand, parents also play pivotal role in influencing a child’s common knowledge and behaviours. For instance, children of musicians are likely to obtain knowledge related to music and instruments from their parents at an early age, which later encourage them to become a talented artist. Moreover, it is the parents’ behaviours that have important impacts on how a child interact with the society when they grow up. Psychological research indicates that young students suffering from parental abuse at home would in turn become more aggressive and violent when they are at school, which expressed the child’s abnormal emotional and social advancement due to mistreating. In contrast, children grown up with well-behaved adults, they would most likely to become a kind-hearted and productive citizens in the future. To summarise, I strongly believe both parties have great influence on children’s intellectual and social development and neither outweighs one another.
Educational instructors are of great significance in terms of fostering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intellect and individual characteristics.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
affect young kids in
The phrase 'a various of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a various of
ways and are no less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement as I
personally
believe the combination of these two parties would facilitate children's development in all aspects.

On the one hand, it is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under the care of teachers would
effectively
develop their intellectual ability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
teachers are
professionally
trained in terms of psychology and pedagogy, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to deliver academic lessons
comprehensively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can acquire knowledge about their surroundings
easily
.
In addition
, school educators can
also
teach their students moral values, which are essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
social development.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn from their instructors how to behave well in the family or how to befriend with their peers through lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
activities, songs and fun stories.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
play pivotal role in influencing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
common knowledge and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of musicians are likely to obtain knowledge related to music and instruments from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at an early age, which later encourage them to become a talented artist.
Moreover
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
impacts on how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
interact with the society when they grow up. Psychological research indicates that young students suffering from parental abuse at home would in turn become more aggressive and violent when they are at school, which expressed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
abnormal emotional and social advancement due to mistreating.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grown up with well-behaved adults, they would most likely to become a kind-hearted and productive citizens in the future.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I
strongly
believe both parties have great influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intellectual and social development and neither outweighs one another.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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