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When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parents. Agree or not? v.1

When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parents. Agree or not? v. 1
In recent years, the debate whether teacher or parents impact more on the intellectual and behavioural development of children has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although, teachers in school have more conditions to influence students, parental education will be far more significant. Parents can become the best teacher for their children in some ways. First, since parents have spent more time with their offspring when they were born, many subjects are being taught to a infant by a mother and a father. For example, a dad and a mom were the first person who teaches kids how to eat, how to walk, or even how to calculate a number, which develop children brain step by step. Second, by teaching a small number of children, parents may take care and educate well, rather than their toddler's study in schools with lack of attention. This means that parents who understand their infant's characteristics will choose the right ways to develop overall maturation. There are some ways that parents affect the social improvement of their offsprings. First, by choosing a suitable environment that their children grow up, children are allowed to develop their social interaction in the best ways. For example, if a family lives around with neighbours whom be friendly and kind, children will learn them, which necessary for their social development. Second, since children tend to imitate their parent behaviour, they need to be a perfect role model. In fact, if parents teach their offsprings to treat kindly with unlucky person, they may learn and treat surrounding people as the way their parents did. In conclusion, although it is undeniable the influence of teacher on infant development, parental education should be considered as the effective method to develop intellectual and social skills to small kids.
In recent years, the debate whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
impact more on the intellectual and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in school have more conditions to influence students, parental education will be far more significant.

Parents can become the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.

First
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have spent more time with their offspring when they
were born
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects are
being taught
to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
infant by a mother and a father.
For example
, a dad and a mom were the
first
person who teaches kids how to eat, how to walk, or even how to calculate a number, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brain step by step. Second, by teaching a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may take care and educate well,
rather
than their toddler's study in schools with lack of attention. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who understand their infant's characteristics will choose the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
overall
maturation.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
improvement of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
First
, by choosing a suitable environment that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction in the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
For example
, if a family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
around with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
whom be friendly and kind,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn them, which necessary for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development. Second, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to imitate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they need to be a perfect role model. In fact, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to treat kindly with unlucky person, they may learn and treat surrounding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did.

In conclusion
, although it is undeniable the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
on infant development, parental education should
be considered
as the effective method to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
intellectual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kids.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay When children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development than their parents. Agree or not? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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