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When a town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

When a town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. v. 2
When a new town is first introduced, governments should prioritize the development of public parks and sports facilities over that of shopping centers so citizens could spend their spare time in. In my opinion, I completely agree with this for two main reasons, which first it helps build a stronger community and second, it is beneficial for a better lifestyle among residents. In terms of the community, public parks and sporting facilities increase human interaction among people. As they participate in different social events, which are mostly held in these areas, they have an opportunity to make new friends and find out lots of useful information that they have in common. For example, the marathon race, which is annually taken place in Ho Chi Minh city, has opened many avenues for local people to interact with others as a sense of communication. Thus, by making an effort to talk to as many people as possible, they could not only strike up a new relationship with others but also build a healthier and stronger community. Apart from the benefit expressed above, the development of public parks and sports facilities also has a positive influence on a better lifestyle among residents. Most public parks today are designed and supplemented with high-quality exercising equipment, which has the potential to promote physical activity and to support an active lifestyle. The important thing is that they do not have to spend a considerable amount of time practicing on these facilities, instead, it normally takes about 15 to 30 minutes to finish. Thus, people, especially who have little break time, could take advantage of that to improve their physical health and develop a more balanced lifestyle. In conclusion, when a new town is planned, it is of vital importance to develop public parks and sports facilities because of its advantages related to a healthy community and an improvement of health among residents.
When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town is
first
introduced,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should prioritize the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sports facilities over that of shopping centers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
citizens could spend their spare time in. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this for two main reasons, which
first
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
build a stronger community and second, it is beneficial for a better lifestyle among residents.

In terms of the community,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sporting facilities increase human interaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As they participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which are
mostly
held in these areas, they have an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends and find out lots of useful information that they have in common.
For example
, the marathon race, which is
annually
taken place in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
, has opened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
avenues for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with others as a sense of communication.
Thus
, by making an effort to talk to as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as possible, they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
strike up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
relationship with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
build a healthier and stronger community.

Apart from the benefit expressed above, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sports facilities
also
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on a better lifestyle among residents. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are designed
and supplemented with high-quality exercising equipment, which has the potential to promote physical activity and to support an active lifestyle. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is that they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a considerable amount of time practicing on these facilities,
instead
, it
normally
takes about 15 to 30 minutes to finish.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
break time, could take advantage of that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical health and develop a more balanced lifestyle.

In conclusion
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
town
is planned
, it is of vital importance to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sports facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its advantages related to a healthy community and an improvement of health among residents.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay When a town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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