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When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. v. 2
When it comes to planning a new town, there are many issues that are challenging both government and citizens. Some people argue that public parks and sports facilities should be attracted more significance than shopping malls. From my standpoint, I do agree with this point of view. First, it is clear that some cities, especially which are in urbanization, which are faced with many environmental problems such as air pollution, or increasing in rubbish. Thus, green spaces play an important role in helping everyone have a place to calm after a hard day. Nowadays, people tend to apply in office jobs, so they may spend less time in out-door activities because of the particularity of the work. Hence, the government should invest money to construct workout locations in order to encourage residents to engage in physical activity, to enhance body conditions. It cannot be neglected the importance of commercial centres in providing essential items and services for daily life. For instance, women who need raw materials for dinner can easily find the fresh one available in supermarkets. However, constitution of citizens is the priority factor toward a new town. If health state is shielded, labour productivity can reach the peak. As a result, the economy has seen a remarkable growth step. In conclusion, although plazas are truly necessary for living, I believe that it is better built public parks and sports facilities ahead of shopping centres, since they can accommodate everybody with a wide space to relax and spend their leisure.
When it
comes
to planning a new town, there are
many
issues that are challenging both
government
and citizens.
Some
people
argue that public parks and sports facilities should
be attracted
more significance than shopping malls. From my standpoint, I do
agree
with this point of view.

First
, it is
clear
that
some
cities,
especially
which are in urbanization, which
are faced
with
many
environmental problems such as air pollution, or increasing in rubbish.
Thus
, green spaces play an
important
role in helping everyone have a place to calm after a
hard
day. Nowadays,
people
tend to apply in office jobs,
so
they may spend less time in out-door activities
because
of the particularity of the work.
Hence
, the
government
should invest money to construct workout locations in order to encourage residents to engage in physical activity, to enhance body conditions.

It cannot
be neglected
the importance of commercial
centres
in providing essential items and services for daily life.
For instance
, women who need raw materials for dinner can
easily
find the fresh one available in supermarkets.
However
, constitution of citizens is the priority factor toward a new town. If health state
is shielded
,
labour
productivity can reach the peak.
As a result
, the economy has
seen
a remarkable growth step.

In conclusion
, although plazas are
truly
necessary for living, I believe that it is better built public parks and sports facilities ahead of shopping
centres
, since they can accommodate everybody with a wide space to relax and spend their leisure.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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