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When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sport facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do agree or disagree? v.1

When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sport facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. v. 1
Some people say that the town's government should pay more attention to developing public parks and sport facilities rather than shopping centres when planning a new town. I partly agree with this statement, as I think that shopping complexes play the important role as equally as public facilities. There is no denying that public parks and sport facilities play a vital role in the local residents' life. First, since they provide a space and equipments for people to do exercises. For example, People can do jogging, practice yoga in the park and play tennis, basketball in the sport centres to upgrade the level of health rather than collapsing in front of the screen. Second, with the high greenery, trees and plants in public parks can help the town reduce the amount of emissions gas in the air, and create a comfort zone with a green shade for citizens and animal. On the other hand, shopping complexes still have an important role in the town's economy. First, since the town where has many modern shopping malls can attract so many foreigner investors, who can invest their money to sell their products at the local mall. So, local government can impose taxes, and take that money to increase the town's budget. Moreover, Shopping complexes can deal probably with the unemployment issue, and provide so many job opportunities, for instance, shop assistant, manager, security. So, local residents can easier to find a job, and reduce the rate of unemployment. In conclusion, Althoungh parks and sport facilities has a huge benefit for dweller's life, I believe that shopping centres still play an essential role in the development of the city.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that the town's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay more attention to developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
when planning a new town. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
as
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities.

There is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents' life.
First
, since they provide a space and equipments for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do exercises.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go jogging".
do jogging
, practice yoga in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
tennis, basketball in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to upgrade the level of health
rather
than collapsing in front of the screen. Second, with the high greenery, trees and plants in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of emissions gas in the air, and create a comfort zone with a green shade for citizens and animal.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes
still
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the town's economy.
First
, since the town where has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls can attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreigner investors, who can invest their money to sell their products at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
mall.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can impose taxes, and take that money to increase the town's budget.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
complexes can deal
probably
with the unemployment issue, and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities,
for instance
, shop assistant, manager, security.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents can easier to find a job, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of unemployment.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Althoungh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities has a huge benefit for dweller's life, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the development of the city.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sport facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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