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In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obes v.2

In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obes v. 2
The tendency towards people consuming junk food is increasingly prevalent, which leads to obesity and other weight-gain problems. Thus, this advertising campaign should be prohibited. In my opinion, while advertising junk food would take its toll on the daily eating habit of people, I think that awareness among them is more important. In terms of junk food advertisement, most industries nowadays strive to draw public attention as much as possible into the product that they want to launch, which is fast food or junk food. The aim is to approach consumers, who are young and have no time to prepare daily meals, so workers or even youngsters can be susceptible to this. This type of food does not require a lot of time to prepare as well as to finish. Consequently, not only do people meet their eating needs, but they also fulfil their satisfaction, and any problem such as obesity or overweight is perhaps unavoidable. Apart from the influence of junk food advertising expressed above, I believe that it does not contribute to the problem of obesity because awareness among people is the deciding factor. Individuals, who are health-conscious and have a keen understanding of food ingredients, are more likely to prevent weight-related problems from happening in the first place. It means that no matter how many times that they watch junk food advertisement; if they want to pay proper attention to their physical and mental health, they would not eat junk food on a regular basis. For example, adults favour eating at home over eating out because it is not necessary to consume junk food, which is full of health-related risks. In conclusion, it is undeniable that the presence of junk food is becoming evident within society. Although obesity can be attributed to junk food advertisement to some extent, I believe that human factors are more significant.
The tendency towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
increasingly
prevalent, which leads to obesity and other weight-gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Thus
, this advertising campaign should
be prohibited
. In my opinion, while advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would take its toll on the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that awareness among them is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertisement, most industries nowadays strive to draw public attention as much as possible into the product that they want to launch, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The aim is to approach consumers, who are young and have no time to prepare daily meals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
workers or even youngsters can be susceptible to this. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does not require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to prepare
as well
as to finish.
Consequently
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
fulfil their satisfaction, and any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as obesity or overweight is perhaps unavoidable.

Apart from the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertising expressed above, I believe that it does not contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the deciding factor. Individuals, who are health-conscious and have a keen understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ingredients, are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
weight-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
from happening in the
first
place. It means that no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertisement; if they want to pay proper attention to their physical and mental health, they would not eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a regular basis.
For example
, adults
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
at home over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not necessary to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which is full of health-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is becoming evident within society. Although obesity can
be attributed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertisement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I believe that human factors are more significant.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obes v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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