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When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. v. 1
Designing the layout of a new town is an extremely intricate process. The question of what should and should not be included sets the foundation of the town’s identity forever. In my opinion, the addition of public parks, shopping malls and sports facilities is essential to the incubation of community and the encouragement of healthy lifestyles. I thus agree that these items should be included when a new town is being planned, and I will share examples to prove this. Firstly, public parks and shopping centres help new towns foster a sense of community. For example, my small Canadian town has a very nice park near its centre. At weekends, the open context of the park environment makes it possible for people to meet each other and create friendships. This sort of organic community building is seen in my hometown’s shopping mall, too. Shopping malls encourage interaction, and thus they are great forums within which people can mingle and have experiences that could evolve into friendships. Thus, the helpful role public parks and shopping malls play in the establishing of a new town is clear. Secondly, sports facilities catalyse positive lifestyle choices among townsfolk. For instance, the central location of my small town’s football pitch is a regular reminder to people passing by that exercise is important. Children in the town are visually aware that sport is accessible to them, and thus they engage in physical activity regularly. This is a clear advantage to town designs that include sports facilities. As the above shows, public parks, shopping malls and sports facilities are helpful in many ways to the establishment of a town. Their inclusion in the planning of new towns is thus highly recommended.
Designing the layout of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is an
extremely
intricate process. The question of what should and should not
be included
sets the foundation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town’s
identity forever. In my opinion, the addition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is essential to the incubation of community and the encouragement of healthy lifestyles. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these items should
be included
when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is
being planned
, and I will share examples to prove this.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
foster a sense of community.
For example
, my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
near its
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. At weekends, the open context of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other and create friendships. This sort of organic community building is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in my hometown’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
encourage interaction, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
they are great forums within which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can mingle and have experiences that could evolve into friendships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Thus
, the helpful role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
play in the establishing of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
Possible spelling mistake. 'catalyse' is British English.
catalyse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
lifestyle choices among townsfolk.
For instance
, the central location of my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town’s
football pitch is a regular reminder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
passing by that exercise is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Children in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
are
visually
aware that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is accessible to them, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
they engage in physical activity
regularly
. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
designs that include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.

As the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are helpful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to the establishment of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
. Their inclusion in the planning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
highly
recommended.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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