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When a town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

When a town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. v. 1
Some individuals argue that the government should prioritize the development of public gardens and sports facilities over that of shopping malls so citizens could spend their spare time in. While this opinion is true in some cases, I am more convinced that shopping complexes are as vital as parks and sports centres in a town. On the one hand, it is justifiable that there are reasons why public parks and sports facilities should be constructed. Firstly, parks and gyms are ideal places for residents to enhance their physical health. For example, people could go jogging or do some light exercises in public gardens in their break time, therefore, they may not only reduce their stress but also improve their physical condition. In addition, a great deal of dwellers decided to be gym Centers' members so as to fit their bodies and maintain healthy and balanced lifestyles. It is obvious that communal parks and sport constructions could impact positively on people's physical health and mental health as well. On the other hand, I'm more firmly of the opinion that shopping centres also play a pivotal role in a town. First of all, shopping complexes provide a vast majority of citizen's demands. It is irrefutable that people greatly depend on shopping centres because it's necessary for them to fill their daily basic needs such as clothes, food, furnitures. Furthermore, there are many entertainment activities that people could enjoy in shopping complexes. As results, coming to shopping malls is also an interesting way that people chose to unwind, so they could combine shopping and relaxing. In conclusion, even though communal parks and sports centres are extremely necessary and essential for city dwellers. I strongly believe that shopping malls should also be built, since they are equally crucial and may provide convenience to town residents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should prioritize the development of public gardens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities over that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
citizens could spend their spare time in. While this opinion is true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, I am more convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes are as vital as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in a town.

On the one hand, it is justifiable that there are reasons why public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities should
be constructed
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and gyms are ideal places for residents to enhance their physical health.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could go jogging or do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light exercises in public gardens in their break time,
therefore
, they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical condition.
In addition
, a great deal of dwellers decided to be gym Centers' members
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
fit their bodies and maintain healthy and balanced lifestyles. It is obvious that communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
constructions could impact
positively
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's physical health and mental health
as well
.

On the other hand
, I'm more
firmly
of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
also
play a pivotal role in a town.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes provide a vast majority of citizen's demands. It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
greatly
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's necessary for them to fill their daily basic needs such as clothes, food,
Possible spelling mistake found.
furnitures
.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entertainment activities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could enjoy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes. As results, coming to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls is
also
an interesting way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose to unwind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could combine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and relaxing.

In conclusion
,
even though
communal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
extremely
necessary and essential for city dwellers. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls should
also
be built
, since they are
equally
crucial and may provide convenience to town residents.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay When a town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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