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To what extent do you think governments should be held responsible when problems of homelessness and unemployment arise? v.1

To what extent do you think governments should be held responsible when problems of homelessness and unemployment arise? v.1
Unemployment and shelter less is pioneer issues for developing country. In order to prevent these major problems, generally people consider regime should be responsible. I completely agree with the provided statement, as the growth of the country and increase the economic level of the nation is a prime duty of the government. There are several reasons why people believe the union should take actions when homelessness and joblessness arise is because, every year authority collects a huge amount of taxes from common people which they supposed to use to enhance people's lifestyle. Thus, when citizens are fighting against such situation finance sector can help them by creating more opportunities for their citizens. Furthermore, people think, the regime should also invest money in local businesses that will impart many opportunities for local people. Not only this, but they can attract foreign business to invest in the country with higher profit margin. Resulting, this will create more job vacancies for people in various sectors. Moreover, the regime can construct shelter for those people who are homeless. For example, in India government has significantly reduced the number of people who are roofless by building government sector houses. Nevertheless, there are other factors that behind people leading to unemployment. In such situation, it would be difficult for the authority to create this many opportunities for their local people For instance, recently, because of emerging technologies like cloud computing and Artificial Intelligence many people lost core IT job, because machines and robots are replacing human at the workplace. In such situation, private companies should create other opportunities for their employees. In conclusion, I completely agree that government plays a vital role when it comes to lower the number of homeless and jobless people as they have abundant fund. However, there are some cases when it would be difficult for government to tackle the position.
Unemployment and shelter less is pioneer issues for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these major problems,
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider regime should be responsible. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the provided statement, as the growth of the country and increase the economic level of the nation is a prime duty of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the union should take actions when homelessness and joblessness arise is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, every year authority collects a huge amount of taxes from common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which they supposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyle.
Thus
, when citizens are fighting against such situation finance sector can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by creating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for their citizens.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the regime should
also
invest money in local businesses that will impart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can attract foreign business to invest in the country with higher profit margin. Resulting, this will create more job vacancies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various sectors.
Moreover
, the regime can construct shelter for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are homeless.
For example
, in India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are roofless by building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

Nevertheless
, there are other factors that behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leading to unemployment. In such situation, it would be difficult for the authority to create this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for their local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
For instance
, recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of emerging technologies like cloud computing and Artificial

Intelligence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost core IT job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
machines and robots are replacing human at the workplace. In such situation, private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should create other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for their employees.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays a vital role when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to lower the number of homeless and jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they have abundant fund.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases when it would be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to tackle the position.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay To what extent do you think governments should be held responsible when problems of homelessness and unemployment arise? v.1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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