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Topic: Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others think it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Do you agree or not? v.1

Topic: Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others think it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Do you agree or not? v. 1
In recent years, it is true that sport plays an integral part in our lives. Although many people believe that the practice of sport only brings recreational values, sport is far more than a luxury or a form of entertainment. Sport has always been the exercises to foster individual physical and mental development. First, by regularly doing sports, either indoor or outdoor ones, people can maintain their health. In fact, sports activities, such as the gym or jogging, can enhance metabolism of the body in a proper way and strengthen the immune system, which helps prevent diseases and lower risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes. Second, sport helps players build their social skills. For example, athletes are required to have strong team spirit, effective cooperation and respect when playing team sports like football or volleyball, which in turn not only are conducive to their working skills in a larger context like the workplace, but also make them get socialized. In addition, it is true that sport is also of great benefits to society as a whole. First, sport and physical activities provide one of the most cost-effective forms of preventative medicine. This means that participation in sport contributes to people’s ability to lead long and healthy lives, resulting in the potential to dramatically cut health care costs of a nation. Second, sports are considered as an international language as it brings people together in a way that can cross boundaries and break down barriers. For example, Olympic opens the door for everyone, not only for athletes but also for global citizens, to show their patriotism by passionately cheering up their teams, and to gain deeper understanding about the culture in every host country. In conclusion, sport makes significant contributions to both people and society in different ways. By acknowledging its important role, governments can find ways to promote this activity to their people.
In recent years, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
plays an integral part in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the practice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings recreational values,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is far more than a luxury or a form of entertainment.

Sport has always been the exercises to foster individual physical and mental development.
First
, by
regularly
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, either indoor or outdoor ones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can maintain their health. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities, such as the gym or jogging, can enhance metabolism of the body in a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
and strengthen the immune system, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
diseases and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart disease, stroke and diabetes. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
players build their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, athletes
are required
to have strong team spirit, effective cooperation and respect when playing team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like football or volleyball, which in turn not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are conducive to their working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in a larger context like the workplace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
socialized.

In addition
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
also
of great benefits to society as a whole.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and physical activities provide one of the most cost-effective forms of preventative medicine. This means that participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
ability to lead long and healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, resulting in the potential to
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
health care costs of a nation. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are considered
as an international language as it brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
that can cross boundaries and break down barriers.
For example
, Olympic opens the door for everyone, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for athletes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for global citizens, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their patriotism by
passionately
cheering up their teams, and to gain deeper understanding about the culture in every host country.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
significant contributions to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. By acknowledging its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to promote this activity to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others think it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Do you agree or not? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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