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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v.6

The Western tradition of living in a retirement home is commonly practiced by people of advanced years. The old British frequently cannot afford such a costly way of living and medical care. The government supporting the idea of welfare state can take responsibility for the older generation in exceptional cases. However, family support of older people is a natural part of society education required for its future prosperity and survival. Primarily, the assumption of governmental support of the elderly is rooted in the ideas of the common good and social state. Following these principles, public authority finance retirement houses so that they could take care of old people, although this is quite limited. The reasons for that are twofold. Firstly, the absolute state care about its citizens leads to excessive paternalism and deformation of people’s moral and ability to adapt. The experience of the Soviet Union demonstrates futility of totalitarian social policy that in fact was regulatory intervention into people’s private lives. That resulted in the loss of impetus to develop personality and create new products and ideas because people knew about the guarantee to have pension and protection. Secondly, full funding is simply impossible since the government does not have unlimited resources. It ought to defend the idea of social justice, but support of old people is only one of the numerous needs which deserve to be met. Obviously, Hobbesian Leviathan should only concern about wants of those who were forgotten by the society, especially by their relatives. Besides, historically, people living in one household as a family have always supported each other. The natural instinct of human beings is to look after the individuals with whom they live under one roof and share common roots. As parents take care of their children, the latter are to help their old relatives or, at least, to assign this duty to special institutions. This is crucial because, by doing that, people are taught a lesson of socialisation, humanity and mutual support. Children adopt these ideals, and there is a chance that nobody will be left without support in the afternoon of life. The value of the lessons we gain from taking care of our parents is underestimated. Humanity will lead to cooperation, which has helped people overcome struggles at all times. To sum up, care of the elderly can be financed from both government and family members’ budgets. However, public support should not prevail. Its purpose is to aid those who cannot get help from their families. Otherwise, state can exhaust its resources and people will be left with incentives perverted by paternalism policy. By contrast, care from the family develops kindness, understanding and increases a chance to get help in the future from those who observe it today.
The Western tradition of living in a retirement home is
commonly
practiced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of advanced years. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
British
frequently
cannot afford such a costly way of living and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
can take responsibility for the older generation in exceptional cases.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a natural part of society education required for its future prosperity and survival.

Primarily
, the assumption of governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of the elderly
is rooted
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
of the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
. Following these principles, public authority finance retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, although this is quite limited. The reasons for that are twofold.
Firstly
, the absolute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about its citizens leads to excessive paternalism and deformation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
moral and ability to adapt. The experience of the Soviet Union demonstrates futility of totalitarian social policy that in fact was regulatory intervention into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. That resulted in the loss of impetus to develop personality and create new products and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
knew about the guarantee to have pension and protection.
Secondly
, full funding is
simply
impossible since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not have unlimited resources. It ought to defend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of social justice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of the numerous needs which deserve to
be met
.
Obviously
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hobbesian
Leviathan should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concern about wants of those who
were forgotten
by the society,
especially
by their relatives.

Besides
,
historically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in one household as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have always supported each other. The natural instinct of human beings is to look after the individuals with whom they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under one roof and share common roots. As parents take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their children, the latter are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
relatives or, at least, to assign this duty to special institutions. This is crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, by doing that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taught
a lesson of
Possible spelling mistake. ‘socialisation’ is British English.
socialisation
, humanity and mutual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. Children adopt these ideals, and there is a chance that nobody will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
in the afternoon of life. The value of the lessons we gain from taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of our parents
is underestimated
. Humanity will lead to cooperation, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overcome struggles at all times.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the elderly can
be financed
from both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members’ budgets.
However
, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
should not prevail. Its purpose is to aid those who cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
can exhaust its resources and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with incentives perverted by paternalism policy. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
develops kindness, understanding and increases a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the future from those who observe it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
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IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old, they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government of the family?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
458 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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