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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 6
The traditional skills and lifestyles will disappear as a result of the development of the technology so according to some, it is unnecessary to try and keep them alive. In my opinion, I disagree that the development of technology will lead to vanishing our traditions, in contrast, it will greatly help our conventional skills and traditional ways of life to thrive. First of all, the history of civilization is the history of technology: from the discovery of fire to the invention of the wheel to the development of the internet. Some technologies, such as weapons of mass destruction, are of negative impact on people’s life. Others, such as medical advances, positively help people to live better and longer and very much will help traditional ways of life. The technology is not responsible for vanishing the traditional life of a certain kind of community, but the generation of a country is only responsible for the keeping of the conventional skills and the traditional lifestyles to be alive; such as own custom, and traditional dishes. If people feel eager to save their tradition, there is no power on earth can destroy it even the development of the technology. In addition, the advances in technology can positively contribute to preserving the conventional ways of life and skills for certain people to be flourish and alive. In other words, the internet is considered a token of the development of technology nowadays; it helps people from all around the world to know the traditional custom of any country on earth. For example, the Ministry of Information and Technology in Egypt succeeded to promote culture and Egyptian lifestyles by using the internet and mobile television. This act will result in increasing the number of tourists every year and it will bring greater rewards to society as a whole. In conclusion, the development of technology is considered the best way to promote and keep traditional skills and conventional lifestyles alive.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
will disappear
as a result
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, it is unnecessary to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alive
. In my opinion, I disagree that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will lead to vanishing our traditions,
in contrast
, it will
greatly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to thrive.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the history of civilization is the history of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
: from the discovery of fire to the invention of the wheel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, such as weapons of mass destruction, are of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Others, such as medical advances,
positively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better and longer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not responsible for vanishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of a certain kind of community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the generation of a country is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
responsible for the keeping of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alive
; such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
custom, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
dishes. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel eager to save their tradition, there is no power on earth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
it even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the technology.

In addition
, the advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
positively
contribute to preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "flourished".
flourish
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alive
.
In other words
, the internet
is considered
a token of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
nowadays; it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the world to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
custom of any country on earth.
For example
, the Ministry of Information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
in Egypt succeeded to promote culture and Egyptian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
by using the internet and mobile television. This act will result in increasing the number of tourists every year and it will bring greater rewards to society as a whole.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is considered
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to promote and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alive
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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