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Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. v. 3
Even in developed countries a degree of poverty exists. However, in many developing countries this is a major problem, and the number of poor people continues to increase. There are various factors and these need to be addressed. ' The first issue is influencing world poverty is the current global economic system. This reinforces inequality between rich and poor people since it allows resources to be distributed unequally amongst people. In addition, the global economic system can favor the investment strategies of large transna­tional corporations, which often pay their worker's sub-standard wages. Another reason is illiteracy. Many people in different countries do not have access to education, and as a result do not learn to read or write. They are, therefore, precluded from well-paid employment and so can not improve their living conditions. For example, people in different countries of Africa don't have more resources to study and ultimately there are more uneducated peoples. In order to provide help for the world's poor these problems need to be addressed. Firstly, the interna­tional community has to establish a fairer economic structure in which the wealth of each country can be shared equitably amongst its people. Moreover, all countries should make it a priority to eradicate illiteracy by providing a comprehensive learning system for all citizens so that everyone is equally capable of improving their living standards. To conclude, it can be said that poverty will probably always exist. Nevertheless, countries can take actions to reduce this by ensuring that there is a fair distribution of wealth amongst the people, and by making sure that all people have access to education.
Even in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
a degree of poverty exists.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
this is a major problem, and the number of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continues to increase. There are various factors and these need to
be addressed
. '

The
first
issue is influencing world poverty is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
global economic system. This reinforces inequality between rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
resources to
be distributed
unequally
amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, the global economic system can favor the investment strategies of large transna­tional corporations, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
pay their worker's sub-standard wages.

Another reason is illiteracy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not have access to education, and
as a result
do not learn to read or write. They are,
therefore
, precluded from well-paid employment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living conditions.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of Africa don't have more resources to study and
ultimately
there are more uneducated peoples.

In order to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the world's poor these problems need to
be addressed
.
Firstly
, the interna­tional community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
establish a fairer economic structure in which the wealth of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
be shared
equitably
amongst its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a priority to eradicate illiteracy by providing a comprehensive learning system for all citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everyone is
equally
capable of improving their living standards.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that poverty will
probably
always exist.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can take actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this by ensuring that there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
distribution of wealth amongst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and by making sure that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to education.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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