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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree. v.1

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. v. 1
It is expected that one of the primary duties of parents is to make sure that their offspring indulge in a daily workout at home, and educational institutes should drop off games or physical exercises from their syllabus. This essay disagrees the opinion that health education is parents responsibility, and schools should be kept free of this charge. A complete agreement to this understanding will be established in the subsequent sections of the essay. To begin with, students spend the majority of their time with teachers and other children; therefore, they have a higher tendency to acquire discipline and skills faster at schools. If teachers emphasize the importance of exercises, physical games and so on, then students would pick up those naturally and comfortably. For example, my younger brother mastered yoga when his teacher motivated him to practice it at school with other kids. In addition, sports develop cognitive, team building and problem-solving skills. This is when pupils confront situations where they have to make decisions, either as an individual or as a team to succeed, they work out their mental abilities and cognition to make a right decision; thereby, building or enhancing their internal strengths. For example, while I used to play soccer during childhood, I used to meticulously examine the position of opponents, in order to make a striking pass through to my teammates. This enhanced my intellectual and problem-solving skills to leaps and bounds. In conclusion, sports not only keep youngsters fit, moreover, they also build and mature their mental skills which are essential for their development. Therefore, sports and other fitness activities should not be ignored at school, instead should be given due importance alongside other subjects.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that one of the primary duties of parents is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that their offspring indulge in a daily workout at home, and educational institutes should drop off games or physical exercises from their syllabus. This essay disagrees the opinion that health education is parents responsibility, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
free of this charge. A complete agreement to this understanding will
be established
in the subsequent sections of the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, students spend the majority of their time with teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
children;
therefore
, they have a higher tendency to acquire discipline and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
faster at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. If teachers emphasize the importance of exercises, physical games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, then students would pick up those
naturally
and
comfortably
.
For example
, my younger brother mastered yoga when his teacher motivated him to practice it at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kids.

In addition
, sports develop cognitive, team building and problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This is when pupils confront situations where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decisions, either as an individual or as a team to succeed, they work out their mental abilities and cognition to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a right decision; thereby, building or enhancing their internal strengths.
For example
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play soccer during childhood, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
meticulously
examine the position of opponents, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a striking pass through to my teammates. This enhanced my intellectual and problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to leaps and bounds.

In conclusion
, sports not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
youngsters fit,
moreover
, they
also
build and mature their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which are essential for their development.
Therefore
, sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fitness activities should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
instead
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
due importance alongside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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