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Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion? v.2

Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion? v. 2
It is true that companies have a considerate responsibility for their employees´ health. However, I completely disagree with the idea that they should therefore set up a time for exercise at the workplace. In my opinion, forcing all the companies to provide exercise time during a day is thoroughly impractical. For certain occupations which especially involve punctuality or avoid distracting elements, stopping the staff to do exercise by some means becomes annoying. For instance, it seems ludicrous for me when doctors have to do stop their work to exercise whereas there is an emergency that requires immediate actions. Besides, even employees could be forced to do exercise, I doubt that people would fully understand the need for that activity. On the contrary, they might feel obligated and thus increase their unwillingness and reluctance toward the companies. As well as being impractical, I would argue that exercise in the workplace is unnecessary. Personally I believe that companies should instead improve the quality of the meals served to the staff. Seeing that nutrition plays a key role in enhancing health; yet it is much easier to implement with a profound impact. If people can eat healthily and mindfully what they enjoy, it can not only protect them from illnesses like food poisoning, stomachache, but also improve their mood and boost their productivity. In addition, companies can encourage their staff to do physical activities by certain promotions such as buying them memberships of a gym. For example, Baker&McKensy has a healthcare policy to ensure their workers´ well-being. That is signing them up in a health club and allowing them to leave earlier than other law firms do so that they can have more free time for exercise. In conclusion, while compulsory time to do exercise in the office seems like a good idea, I believe that such a scheme would be unworkable and largely pointless.
It is true that
companies
have a considerate responsibility for their employees´ health.
However
, I completely disagree with the
idea
that they should
therefore
set up a
time
for
exercise
at the workplace.

In my opinion, forcing all the
companies
to provide
exercise
time
during a day is
thoroughly
impractical. For certain occupations which
especially
involve punctuality or avoid distracting elements, stopping the staff to do
exercise
by
some
means becomes annoying.
For instance
, it seems ludicrous for me when doctors
have to
do
stop
their work to
exercise
whereas there is an emergency that requires immediate actions.
Besides
, even employees could
be forced
to do
exercise
, I doubt that
people
would
fully
understand the need for that activity.
On the contrary
, they might feel obligated and
thus
increase their unwillingness and reluctance toward the
companies
.

As well
as being impractical, I would argue that
exercise
in the workplace is unnecessary.
Personally
I believe that
companies
should
instead
improve
the quality of the meals served to the staff. Seeing that nutrition plays a key role in enhancing health;
yet
it is much easier to implement with a profound impact. If
people
can eat
healthily
and
mindfully
what they enjoy, it can not
only
protect them from illnesses like food poisoning, stomachache,
but
also
improve
their mood and boost their productivity.
In addition
,
companies
can encourage their staff to do physical activities by certain promotions such as buying them memberships of a gym.
For example
,
Baker&McKensy
has a healthcare policy to ensure their workers´ well-being.
That is
signing them up in a health club and allowing them to
leave
earlier than other law firms do
so
that they can have more free
time
for exercise.

In conclusion
, while compulsory
time
to do
exercise
in the office seems like a
good
idea
, I believe that such a scheme would be unworkable and
largely
pointless.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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