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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.3

Apparently, when country or civilization improves convenient technologies to make easier their lives, the important traditional ways and beliefs to exist is lost out. So I am certain, that it's very significant to preserve them and keep alive. Firstly we could sing about our health and we can be healthy by nutrition, as we eat. Agricultural way to supply us some products is very necessary nowadays. But by inserting new technologies and chemical fertilizers we are losing our soil, I'll have and traditional ways of growing helpful food in order. Reducing of nutrition and helpful products is a dramatical problem of our generation. For example, we cannot grow corns, fruits, vegetables and most important grain without help of new technologies and chemicals. I suppose that we would pay attention on this vulnerable spot of us. Because modern agricultural effects very harmful. So we have a problem such as weak health, soil pollution, soil degradation and so on. To solve this problems, we must use less harmful technologies, smaller amount of chemicals and we could save traditional skills and ways of life and existing. On another hand, I convinced that we cannot ensure our life with essential supplies by not using techniques. It is evident that they are more convenient, but we have to save, we have to preserve our traditional life, as that was before modern changing. Of course it must be impossible, but we can do it little by little. By adding useful side and with help of leaving harmful reasons of technology. In conclusion, I can say that we are still killing our traditional abilities to life, so we cannot underestimate this. I guess, we could extend technologies and save traditions at the same way so, I disagree with this opinion
Apparently
, when country or civilization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
easier their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
and beliefs to exist
is lost
out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I am certain, that it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant to preserve them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
alive.
Firstly
we could sing about our
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
we can be healthy by nutrition, as we eat. Agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to supply us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
by inserting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and chemical fertilizers we are losing our soil, I'll have and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of growing helpful food in order. Reducing of nutrition and helpful products is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
problem of our generation.
For example
, we cannot grow corns, fruits, vegetables and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
grain without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and chemicals. I suppose that we would pay attention on this vulnerable spot of us.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
modern agricultural effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we have a problem such as weak health, soil pollution, soil degradation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. To solve
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘problems’. Did you mean “these”?
this
problems, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
less harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, smaller amount of
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
chemicals and
we could save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and existing. On another hand, I convinced that we cannot ensure our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with essential supplies by not using techniques. It is evident that they are more convenient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
save, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, as that was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
modern changing. Of
The comma is probably missing here: “course, it”.
course it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be impossible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can do it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
. By adding useful side and with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of leaving harmful reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
In conclusion
, I can say that we are
still
killing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
abilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we cannot underestimate this. I guess, we could extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and save traditions at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I disagree with this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
opinion
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If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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