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Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 1
Overall, I disagree with the opinion expressed, I would like to begin by pointing out that Traditional skills and ways of life do not automatically die due to development in technology. In many ways, the history of civilisation is the history of technology, from the discovery of fire to the invention of the wheel to the development of the Internet we have been moving forward in the way of doing things. Some technologies, such as weapons of mass destruction, are of negative impact. Others, such as medical advances, positively help people to live better or longer, and so very much help traditional ways of life. There will be people who want to preserve their traditions even with the development of technology. Interestingly, technology can positively contribute to the keeping alive of traditional Skills and ways of life. For example, at places where the population is small leads to children not getting schooling. To avoid the children moving to mainland the government sets up schooling through the internet so that the children are not separated from their parents. In addition, the Internet, and modern refrigeration techniques, are being used to keep alive the traditional skills of producing salmon; it can now be ordered from, and delivered to, anywhere in the world. In conclusion, without suggesting that all technology is necessarily good, it does not destroy the traditional way of life, in any way, to try to keep traditions alive with technology. We should not ignore technology, because it can support us in many ways.
Overall
, I disagree with the opinion expressed, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by pointing out that

Traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
do not
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to development in technology.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
, the history of
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
is the history of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, from the discovery of fire to the invention of the wheel to the development of the Internet we have been moving forward in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of doing things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, such as weapons of mass destruction, are of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact. Others, such as medical advances,
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better or longer, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to preserve their traditions even with the development of technology.

Interestingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
positively
contribute to the keeping alive of traditional

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, at places where the population is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
leads to children not getting schooling. To avoid the children moving to mainland the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sets up schooling through the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the children are not separated from their parents.
In addition
, the Internet, and modern refrigeration techniques, are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
alive the traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of producing salmon; it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be ordered
from,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
delivered
to, anywhere in the world.

In conclusion
, without suggesting that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
necessarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
, to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
traditions alive with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. We should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can support us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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