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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.26

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion. v. 26
Technological development has considerable impacted people’s lives. It is argued that due to the technology, traditional approaches and ways of life of a country vanished. It is further said that to maintain them is meaningless. I fully agree with this notion and this essay will discuss reasons for it. Firstly, with the development of technology, manual work is replaced by the machines. The advance technology has invented different machinery, which operate in the same way as humans, but with the high efficiency. In other words, the manual work in companies in different countries is performed by machines rather than humans. In Japan, for instance, 75% of the work in industries are operated by robots, which was performed by humans before technological advancement. Thus, technological innovation has resulted in vanishing traditional capabilities. Secondly, technological innovations have enormously altered people’s lifestyle. This is because the way people interact is almost changes. Face-to-face communication is almost replaced by digital communication, in which people pass their messages to other individuals without the need to meet them in real. A recent report from the World Communication Organization, for example, showed that 75% of the world population interact with each other without meeting physically rather through using the internet applications such as Facebook and WhatsApp. Therefore, these applications have become a reason for the disappearance of the traditional interaction. In conclusion, it is said that owing to the technological flourishing, old skills and ways of living have disappeared. In my view, I completely agree with this statement since technological advancement has resulted in no need of manual labour, as well as has changed the way people interact with each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technological
development has considerable impacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It
is argued
that due to the technology, traditional approaches and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of life of a country vanished. It is
further
said that to maintain them is meaningless. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and this essay will discuss reasons for it.

Firstly
, with the development of technology, manual work
is replaced
by the machines. The advance technology has invented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
machinery, which operate in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
as humans,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the high efficiency. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the manual work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
is performed
by machines
rather
than humans. In Japan,
for instance
, 75% of the work in industries
are operated
by robots, which
was performed
by humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advancement.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
innovation has resulted in vanishing traditional capabilities.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
innovations have
enormously
altered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact is almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. Face-to-face communication is almost replaced by digital communication, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pass their messages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals without the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them in real. A recent report from the World Communication Organization,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 75% of the world population interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
without meeting
physically
rather
through using the internet applications such as Facebook and WhatsApp.
Therefore
, these applications have become a reason for the disappearance of the traditional interaction.

In conclusion
, it
is said
that owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
flourishing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of living have disappeared. In my view, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advancement has resulted in no need of manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
,
as well
as has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion. v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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