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Science will soon make people live up to 100 years or even 200 years. Some believe this is a good thing while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Science will soon make people live up to 100 years or even 200 years. Some believe this is a good thing while others disagree. v. 4
Science plays an important role in making people immortal. While some think that it is considered valuable because it will increase the survival rate of human being, others argue that. In my opinion, science will definitely ensure people would live more than 200 years and it will bring positivity to the society. To begin with, consider the people who support the concept that people would survive up to 100 years or more than that due to science because of advancement in the medical facilities. In other words, various kinds of vaccines and medications are available in the market, which secures the individuals from any vulnerable diseases. For instance, a recent article in the newspaper cleared that the mortality rate of the developing countries declined by 60% as compared with the past data. This can be done by the advancement in the medical treatment. Thus, science will rise the lifespan of the human on earth. On the contrary, there are some people who disagree with the thought that if the people start living more than their average life, then it will be a disaster for the human race. As more resources will be needed by the humans and this would become a threat for the government as well on the environment. A recent theory, for example, revealed that nature needs healthy food chain so that every species plays their role for a specific period of time. Any disturbance with it, will put the life of another species in danger. Therefore, there should be limits on the survival rate of the humans on the earth. In conclusion, in my opinion, science will enhance the life expectancy rate of the people and this beneficial for the humans too. When humans do not die on time. However, this could disturb the food chain of the nature.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immortal. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
is considered
valuable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will increase the survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being, others argue that. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
will definitely ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more than 200 years and it will bring positivity to the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who support the concept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would survive up to 100 years or more than that due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advancement in the medical facilities.
In other words
, various kinds of vaccines and medications are available in the market, which secures the individuals from any vulnerable diseases.
For instance
, a recent article in the newspaper cleared that the mortality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
declined by 60% as compared with the past data. This can
be done
by the advancement in the medical treatment.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
will rise the lifespan of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
on earth.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living more than their average life, then it will be a disaster for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race. As more resources will
be needed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and this would become a threat for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
on the environment. A recent theory,
for example
, revealed that nature needs healthy food chain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every species plays their role for a specific period of time. Any disturbance with it, will put the life of another species in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Therefore
, there should be limits on the survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
on the earth.

In conclusion
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
will enhance the life expectancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
too.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
on time.
However
, this could disturb the food chain of the nature.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Science will soon make people live up to 100 years or even 200 years. Some believe this is a good thing while others disagree. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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