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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.23

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 23
In a technologically advanced nation, the old-fashioned skills and conventional lifestyle are becoming extinct and it is needless to save them. I agree to a great extend to this view because we are able to save more time and effort as well be accurate enough, however on the other hand, some jobs still require ancestral skills. First of all, modern-innovative technologies have made it possible to reduce considerable amount of time and effort. There are automated machines available in the market which most of the companies prefer to complete their work on time. Besides, these machines require few man power and the work can be done effectively and efficiently. For instance, automated devices can sew thousands of clothes in a day as compared to manual labour. Hence, modern advanced technology requires less effort and time. Furthermore, these devices are accurate every time we use. There is no chance of human-error while using these modern equipments. For example, if a bank wants to compute the turnover of the entire decade, it would be easily possible with the use of software to get the exact value. Moreover, by using traditional methods to apply the complex algorithm manually it could be error prone without the use of machines. Thus, it is clear how precise these ultra-modern machines could be. Conversely, there are some specific jobs which still require traditional expertise. It would not be possible without the help of subject knowledge to complete the job. To illustrate, in the agricultural sector, we need to rely more on the farmers' traditional skills, techniques and knowledge yield the best quality crop. Therefore, it is vital for some jobs to depend on traditional methods. To conclude, in a technologically developed nation, the traditional methods and lifestyles will phase out and it is senseless to revive them. In this case, I recommend the lawmakers to focus on the job generation to ensure that not all jobs are being taken by machines.
In a
technologically
advanced nation, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and conventional lifestyle are becoming extinct and it is needless to save them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to a great
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
to this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are able to save more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort
as well
be accurate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
however
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
ancestral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, modern-innovative technologies have made it possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort. There
are automated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
available in the market which most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to complete their work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Besides
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
power and the work can
be done
effectively
and
efficiently
.
For instance
, automated devices can sew thousands of clothes in a day as compared to manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
Hence
, modern advanced technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
requires
less effort and time.

Furthermore
, these devices are accurate every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. There is no chance of human-error while using these modern equipments.
For example
, if a bank wants to compute the turnover of the entire decade, it would be
easily
possible with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of software to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the exact value.
Moreover
, by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
methods to apply the complex algorithm
manually
it could be error prone without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
how precise these ultra-modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
could be.

Conversely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
expertise. It would not be possible without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of subject knowledge to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To illustrate, in the agricultural sector, we need to rely more on the farmers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, techniques and knowledge yield the best quality crop.
Therefore
, it is vital for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
methods.

To conclude
, in a
technologically
developed nation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
methods and lifestyles will phase out and it is senseless to revive them.
In this case
, I recommend the lawmakers to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
generation to ensure that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
being taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 23

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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