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40. When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extend to you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

40. When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. v. 1
It is common that many conventional techniques and lifestyles gradually disappeared due to the modern technology. Some people agree that it is useless to keep them alive. I personally agree it under certain condition; however,  I opine that it is important to carry on conventional skills for future generations and the essay will discuss my view. To begin with, firstly, customary skills and old fashioned lifestyles may be outdated due to the introduction of modern devices; however, they are extremely valuable for human beings' civilization histories. Moreover, some traditional skills such as cooking, guarding, sewing, and etc. are essential for people to master as survival skills. Although the advance in agricultural and industrial sectors provides all daily life items to meet inhabitants' demand, learning customary skills and living old fashioned lifestyle will provide a chance for the youth to learn human history. Finally, certain traditional skills are considered as part of valuing cultural activities. For example, printing is essential in all economic sectors; however, traditional Chinese writing and painting are still many Chinese's favours. Many Chinese are fond of practicing them. Many customary skills provide profound economic opportunities to earn money as well. However, some traditional skills should be allowed to disappear in terms of the social selection.  Some may also cause negative impact on human societies. For instance, raising poultries in living places in cities may put inhabitants' health at risk to catch infectious diseases, cooking with wood in inner cities may worsen air pollution, and riding horses in the road will disturb the traffic system on the roads. As a result, some conventional skills or old fashioned lifestyles should be allowed to disappear. In conclusion, the advance of technology provides novel and modern products to guide inhabitants to have a better life. Meanwhile, conventional skills and old fashioned lifestyles may not play the same role in the contemporary era as in the past. Some of them still are precious content in our societies due to the above reasons. Therefore, keeping them alive will  be precious gifts from our descendants in order to have a better understanding of our ancestors.
It is common that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conventional techniques and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
gradually
disappeared due to the modern technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is useless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them alive. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
it under certain condition;
however
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I opine that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to carry on conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for future generations and the essay will discuss my view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
firstly
, customary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
 lifestyles may
be outdated
due to the introduction of modern devices;
however
, they are
extremely
valuable for human beings' civilization histories.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cooking, guarding, sewing,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. are essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to master as survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Although the advance in agricultural and industrial sectors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
all daily life items to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
 inhabitants' demand, learning customary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and living
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a chance for the youth to learn human history.
Finally
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are considered
as part of valuing cultural activities.
For example
, printing is essential in all economic sectors;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
Chinese writing and painting are 
still
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Chinese's
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Chinese are fond of practicing them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
customary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
profound economic opportunities to earn money
as well
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to disappear in terms of the social selection.  
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on human societies.
For instance
, raising
Possible spelling mistake found.
poultries
in living places in cities may put inhabitants' health at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to catch infectious diseases, cooking with wood in inner cities may worsen air pollution, and riding horses in the road will disturb the traffic system on the roads.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to disappear.

In conclusion
, the advance of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
novel and modern products to guide inhabitants to have a better life. Meanwhile, conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
may not play the same role in the contemporary era as in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them 
still
are precious content in our societies due to the above reasons.
Therefore
, keeping them alive will
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
be precious gifts from our descendants in order to have a better understanding of our ancestors.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay 40. When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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