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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.18

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. v. 18
It is sometimes argued that the traditional skill and lifestyles disappear once technological devices are developed by a country. Therefore, people thinks that trying those skills and lifestyles alive is an unnecessary effort. Personally, I firmly disagree with the perspective for two main reasons. To begin with, old-school skills and lifestyles can be carried into the future, if one person keeps doing them owing to the fact that they do not let them die. For instance, pottery has been living for ages as we have someone who performs. Even though, we often use stainless steel pans or glass vases, there is still a significant amount of pottery product users. This leads to an increase in demand of pottery resulting in passing that skill to the future generations. Furthermore, most of human-made products cannot be produced by machines due to the fact that there would not be human touch. A machine production causes losing the sincerity as they are cold machine. Addition to that, some skills or methods cannot be thought by machine as they have learned by experience. This has been evidenced by numerous academic studies the latest of which is one published by the University of Russia in 2018 concluding that, after the invention of the fish harvest machine, there were serious rise in fish scarcity as the machine kept haunting fishes regardless of the size. On the other hand, individuals who use the old way, let the small fishes live as they know that they should nor break the nature's system. The study further shows that some knowledge cannot be integrated into the machines such as respecting the nature, therefore, we should carry the information to generations to generations. In conclusion, the technology has revolutionized and simplified many things in our lives, however, keeping the old way is always worth to try given the fact that we still get benefited from those skills such as pottery and it is impossible to teach humanity to machines.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and lifestyles disappear once technological devices
are developed
by a country.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that trying those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and lifestyles alive is an unnecessary effort.
Personally
, I
firmly
disagree with the perspective for two main reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and lifestyles can
be carried
into the future, if one person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
doing them owing to the fact that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
For instance
, pottery has been living for ages as we have someone who performs.
Even though
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
stainless steel pans or glass vases, there is
still
a significant amount of pottery product users. This leads to an increase in demand of pottery resulting in passing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to the future generations.

Furthermore
, most of human-made products cannot
be produced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
due to the fact that there would not be human touch. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
production causes losing the sincerity as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
. Addition to that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or methods cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
as they have learned by experience. This has
been evidenced
by numerous academic studies the latest of which is one published by the University of Russia in 2018 concluding that, after the invention of the fish harvest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
, there were serious rise in fish scarcity as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
haunting fishes regardless of the size.
On the other hand
, individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fishes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as they know that they should nor break the nature's system. The study
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge cannot
be integrated
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
such as respecting the nature,
therefore
, we should carry the information
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "to generations".
to generations to generations
.

In conclusion
, the technology has revolutionized and simplified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
however
, keeping the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way is always worth to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the fact that we
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefited from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as pottery and it is impossible to teach humanity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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