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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.19

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 19
Technology today has evolved so much that it has had a huge impact on traditional ways of living and working in every nation. Some old fashioned jobs and practices are already extinct and few people opine that it is not worth to put effort to save those old fashion way for the sack of saving culture. However, some do not believe in this notion and they are in support to fight for cultural preservation. I firmly agree with the first notion that, if new and enhanced ways work better than we must not drag conventional methods. To embark with, proliferation in technology has changed the whole world and the way we work, we eat, we travel, we communicate and many more. The industrial evolution brought a myriad of advantages. For example, earlier jobs performed by 100 men are done by machines and only one person is required to perform operations and maintenance. Consequently, companies have started making huge profit as machines do not get tired or doesn’t get sick. In addition, due to such revolution, we receive things faster and with easy access which brings huge lifestyle change. In addition, technology is not the replacement of complete culture, technologies cannot touch the few classic essence of culture. For example, although Japan widely uses and develops various technologies, it is still rich and well known in the world for their culture. According to a survey conducted recently, the results were breathtaking, during 1970-2000, seventy five percent people who were working in un-skilled job lost their bread and butter. Furthermore, there were more than thirty million jobs were created for skilled worker, which forced un-skilled people to learn and move to skilled job. To put this in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, technology is not a threat to culture, but it works to upgrade it and uplift people’s lifestyle. There is no point to making the extra effort to preserve the jobs which are bound to vanish by the time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has evolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that it has had a huge impact on traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of living and working in every nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and practices are already extinct and few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that it is not worth to put effort to save those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
for the sack of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not believe in this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
notion and
they are in support to fight for cultural preservation. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
notion that, if new and enhanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
work better than we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not drag conventional methods.

To embark with, proliferation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the whole world and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
we work, we eat, we travel, we communicate and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. The industrial evolution brought a myriad of advantages.
For example
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
performed by 100
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are done
by machines and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one person
is required
to perform operations and maintenance.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
making huge profit as machines do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired or doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick.
In addition
, due to such revolution, we receive things faster and with easy access which brings huge lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not the replacement of complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
cannot touch the few classic essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, although Japan
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
and develops various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, it is
still
rich and well known in the world for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. According to a survey conducted recently, the results were breathtaking, during 1970-2000,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
seventy five
percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were working in
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
lost their bread and butter.
Furthermore
, there were more than thirty million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
were created
for skilled worker, which forced
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to skilled job.

To put this in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not a threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it works to upgrade it and uplift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle. There is no point to making the extra effort to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
are bound
to vanish by the time.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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