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It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are causes? And what will be effects on society? v.10

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are causes? And what will be effects on society? v. 10
It is irrefutable that the choice of subjects has gradually changed among the juveniles. Consequently, in some countries, many pupils are opting out of studying science and technology and drifting towards other subjects. This essay will discuss the reason behind this shift and its effects on our society. Change of interest has been seen in recent years among the student in last two decades. As the scope of artistic fields such as, becoming a chef or an actor has increased in recent years, children have started looking beyond becoming an engineer or a doctor. Additionally, the new generation is becoming lazy and greedy and they want to go for short cuts to earn humongous money. Hence, they are preferring commerce or arts field over science. In the near future, the world would be affected detrimentally due to lack of new ideas and young scientist. Owing to less people choosing to study science, not new inventions would be done and the would progress would come to standstill. Secondly, for instance, if some new deadly disease will spread in the world, and less doctors and scientists to do research and development to find cure of such diseases, no cures would be found, and as a result, many people will die. In conclusion, many students are choosing not to study science these days because they have grown lethargic to take a longer route of studying and reaching the success. Rather, everyone wants fast money. Although the acceptability of new subjects has grown, it would be awful for the society in the coming future due to absence of scientist in the world.
It is irrefutable that the choice of subjects has
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
among the juveniles.
Consequently
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils are opting out of studying science and technology and drifting towards other subjects. This essay will discuss the reason behind this shift and its effects on our society.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
of interest has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in recent years among the student in last two decades. As the scope of artistic fields such as, becoming a chef or an actor has increased in recent years, children have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
looking beyond becoming an engineer or a doctor.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation is becoming lazy and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
greedy and
they want to go for short
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
to earn humongous money.
Hence
, they
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
commerce or arts field over science.

In the near future, the world would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
detrimentally
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and young scientist. Owing to
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choosing to study science, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions would
be done
and
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
would progress would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to standstill.
Secondly
,
for instance
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
deadly disease will spread in the world, and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun doctors is countable.
less
doctors and scientists to do research and development to find cure of such diseases, no cures would
be found
, and
as a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students are choosing not to study science these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have grown lethargic to take a longer route of studying and reaching the success.
Rather
, everyone wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
money. Although the acceptability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
subjects has grown, it would be awful for the society in the coming future due to absence of scientist in the world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are causes? And what will be effects on society? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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