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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.28

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 28
Young generation wasting much time on watching TV which may reduce their knowledge and make them uneducated. This essay will discuss why television has far more bad affection on children's education First and foremost, most kids and adults are wasting time with watching unnecessary shows, which might be interesting but without any profits. Although it might be an enjoyable activity for them, it has so many noxious aspects. For example, a display of what they view programs has a huge harm on their eyes. Despite this, most of the channels have a show with unrealistic contents which can be also pernicious. In sum, tele-programs are known to be detrimental for children and adults because of the couple little but much influential reasons. Secondly, there is so much superfluous information in television, which can be extra needless. If children will fill in their brain with such unnecessary information they would not have a good memory for necessary educational information. For example, a kid who has started viewing cartoons which includes so many fantasies without any realistic contents would lose his mind without any doubt and, he also will not think realistically when he became an adult, because of so much trash data. In sum, knowledge base in the brain of a child will be full of unimportant data because of television. In conclusion, tele-programs are detrimental to kids and adults, because it contains unnecessary and superfluous info, they are watching shows which can fill in their brain with trash and extra data. I totally agree that it is harmful from lot sides to be well-educated for the young generation who addicted to such kind of activity.
Young generation wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
time on watching TV which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them uneducated. This essay will discuss why television has far more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
affection on children's
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
education


First
and foremost, most kids and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are wasting time with watching unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, which might be interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without any profits. Although it might be an enjoyable activity for them, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
noxious aspects.
For example
, a display of what they view programs has a huge harm on their eyes. Despite this, most of the channels have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
with unrealistic contents which can be
also
pernicious. In sum,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-programs
are known
to be detrimental for children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the couple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
influential reasons.

Secondly
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
superfluous information in television, which can be extra needless. If children
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will fill
in their brain with such unnecessary information they would not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memory for necessary educational information.
For example
, a kid who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
viewing cartoons which includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fantasies without any realistic contents would lose his mind without any doubt and, he
also
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
realistically
when he became an adult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
trash data. In sum, knowledge base in the brain of a child will be full of unimportant data
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of television.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tele-programs
are detrimental to kids and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contains unnecessary and superfluous info, they are watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
which can fill in their brain with trash and extra data. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is harmful from lot sides to be well-educated for the young generation who addicted to such kind of activity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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