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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.14

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion v. 14
The mankind develops technologies with careless their cultural structure. The modern life has eased old school habits, and, no one wants to back again. The essay has agreed this opinion because of the time and preferences of habits. Many people persuade to back the old days, but, it is clear that that is only a dream. Because the time is irreversible and the technologies are always enhanced by us. The big majority of society cannot think without phone or internet. Thus, the lifestyle of the community intertwine between technologies and culture. For instance, people never go out without a mobile phone or, the society cannot escape their TVs in every night. Many critics say that it has an effect on our activity with many drawbacks which are result of inaction. However, according to the dissenters, says that its impact on the conveniences. Another important factor is that the majority of the population does not want to see traditional events, ceremonies or organizations, because of the fact that old things are never preferred by humans. For instance, competition of the online war games is most popular programs on the TVs or computers. Nobody wants to play paintball on the real time. Because, beginning of the game, the players must gather their friend. Although, it might be seen that the easiest way to find player, the planing event day is the most complicated section of the organizations. But, in the digital area can solve this problem fast and efficiencies. Therefore, the player which can be anonymous, organize a game in a second. To the sum, The technology eased all traditional habits via preferences of population and technological improvements. So, the mankind always forgets their older life style.
The mankind develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
with careless their cultural structure. The modern life has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
school habits, and, no one wants to back again.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
essay has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the time and preferences of habits.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
persuade to back the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a dream.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the time is irreversible and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are always enhanced by us. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
majority of society cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
without phone or internet.
Thus
, the lifestyle of the community intertwine between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and culture.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
never go out without a mobile phone or, the society cannot escape their TVs in every night.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
critics say that it has an effect on our activity with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks which are result of inaction.
However
, according to the dissenters, says that its impact on the conveniences.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is that the majority of the population does not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, ceremonies or organizations,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
things are never preferred by humans.
For instance
, competition of the online war games is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
popular programs on the TVs or computers. Nobody wants to play paintball on the real time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, beginning of the game, the players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
gather their friend. Although, it might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the easiest way to find player, the planing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
day is the most complicated section of the organizations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in the digital area can solve this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and efficiencies.
Therefore
, the player which can be anonymous, organize a game in a second.

To the sum, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
all traditional habits via preferences of population and technological improvements.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the mankind always forgets their older life style.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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