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Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view v.3

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. 3
It is believed by a few people that it is unjust for the animals if they are kept in captivity while others believe that it can prove beneficial both for animals and men. In my opinion, animals should never be kept in zoo as it is a huge animal rights violations. The proponents who favour the captivity of animals argue that they can be a source of enjoyment for young children and elderly. In other words, people who are fond of animals can enjoy watching them at the zoo and will be a healthy excursion for them. Moreover, it will be an excellent learning for the human beings about the habits and feeding characteristics of these creatures. These parks are often self sustaining because of the entry tickets. In addition, they may serve as an attractive tourist spot for the foreigners and may bring huge financial support. For example, the wild safari in African countries is one of the most tourist destination making huge income for the country. On the other hand, few people believe and I agree that wild animals kept in captivity are a huge animal rights violation. Every creature has been created free in the universe and it will be extremely unjust if they are kept in confinement for the sake of excursion or financial reasons. In other words, these animals grow and reproduce in the natural habitat and removing them from normal breeding places may endanger their species. Animals generally do not breed in captivity so removing them in large numbers from wildlife may eventually result in their extinction. Hence, the tendency of isolating animals from nature should be curbed at the earliest. In conclusion, wildlife captured inside the zoo may provide enjoyment to children, but in the long run may prove detrimental to the existence of the species.
It
is believed
by a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that it is unjust for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
captivity
while others believe that it can prove beneficial both for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should never be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoo as it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights violations.

The proponents who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
captivity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
argue that they can be a source of enjoyment for young children and elderly. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can enjoy watching them at the zoo and will be a healthy excursion for them.
Moreover
, it will be an excellent learning for the human beings about the habits and feeding characteristics of these creatures. These parks are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sustaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the entry tickets.
In addition
, they may serve as an attractive tourist spot for the foreigners and may bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
financial support.
For example
, the wild safari in African countries is one of the most tourist destination making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
income for the country.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
captivity
are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights violation. Every creature has
been created
free in the universe and it will be
extremely
unjust if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in confinement for the sake of excursion or financial reasons. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
grow and reproduce in the natural habitat and removing them from normal breeding places may endanger their species.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
generally
do not breed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
captivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
removing them in large numbers from wildlife may
eventually
result in their extinction.
Hence
, the tendency of isolating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from nature should
be curbed
at the earliest.

In conclusion
, wildlife captured inside the zoo may provide enjoyment to children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the long run may prove detrimental to the existence of the species.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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