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1. Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v.1

1. Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, It is true that young generation tends to choose the big cities to be settled instead of living in their houses. However, there are both Pros and Cons. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons departure Let's begin by looking at the advantages of moving to urban regions. The central reason behind this is twofold, firstly, big cities provide employment opportunities as there are many multinational companies who want to hire young talents. Secondly, young people move to big cities to pursue further studies in Management, Science or Economics from well renowned Universities which are not present in rural areas. For example, recent empirical research by the Oxford University demonstrated that 90% of young people residing in rural areas post their graduation move to big cities for further studies or employment purpose. Therefore, This can make you clear that young people relocate to the big cities for fruitful opportunities, and to progress in life so that they can meet their family’s financial needs. Turning Other Side of the Argument, There is no doubt that there are several disadvantages to this migration, such as the exponential population growth in the cities which hits the cities’ infrastructure severely and Moreover migration leaves the rural areas abandoned and demotes some necessary professions such as farming. For instance, a recent study it has been found that 50 percent teenagers who shifted to urban area suffer from severe illness due to industrial pollution. On the other hand, The huge living expenses, lack of money and accommodation can create many problems for the new population. All things consider, most of the people in rural areas tend to move to big cities for reasons related to their career and their education. Although Personally, I believe the benefits in terms of opportunity eventually outweigh any negative
Nowadays, It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation tends to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to
be settled
instead
of living in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
However
, there are both Pros and Cons. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
departure


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the advantages of moving to urban regions. The central reason behind this is twofold,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide employment opportunities as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who want to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
talents.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to pursue
further
studies in Management, Science or Economics from well renowned Universities which are not present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For example
, recent empirical research by the Oxford University demonstrated that 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
post their graduation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for
further
studies or employment purpose.
Therefore
, This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relocate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for fruitful opportunities, and to progress in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their family’s financial needs.

Turning Other Side of the Argument, There is no doubt that there are several disadvantages to this migration, such as the exponential population growth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which hits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities’
infrastructure
severely
and
Moreover
migration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
abandoned and demotes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary professions such as farming.
For instance
, a recent study it has
been found
that 50 percent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who shifted to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
suffer from severe illness due to industrial pollution.
On the other hand
, The huge living expenses, lack of money and accommodation can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for the new population.

All things consider, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for reasons related to their career and their education. Although
Personally
, I believe the benefits in terms of opportunity
eventually
outweigh any
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
negative
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 1. Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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