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In some countries, prisons are the most common solution to crimes. However, some others believe that education is a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

In some countries, prisons are the most common solution to crimes. However, some others believe that education is a more effective solution. v. 2
Opinions differ as to whether tourism facilitates or deteriorates cultures and customs. While to a certain extent, tourism somehow brings traditions to a wider range of audience, I would argue that it causes more harm than good. Mass tourism, with huge investments diverted into development, advertising and propagation, has made indigenous customs, several of which were formerly alien and unpopular, known to people around the world. Once a small local festival that were formerly restricted to only tribal peoples, the Cong Chieng carnival in the middle part of Vietnam has greatly emerged to become a ubiquitous tourist trap, with influxes of Vietnamese and foreigners flocking to the place every year. Nevertheless, I believe such popularity is just superficial. A custom known by a lot of people does not necessarily mean a well-preserved one. All too often, tourism brings in its wake bland cultural uniformity, or even worse, cultural assimilation. It is not rare to see tribal people, adults and children alike, get rid of their traditional attires for modern, Westernised ones worn by tourists. Many hotels, resorts and spas have also been erected every year, encroaching on the areas where there once were villages, altars and ritual meetings. Additionally, the disgusting hands of tourism moguls have reached out to even the remotest areas, tempting indigenous people to work for them with promises of higher salary and a better life. As a consequence, the number of ethnic peoples has greatly shrunk in recent years, with many ethnic minorities being declared non-existent. In conclusion, my firm conviction is that profit-oriented tourism, despite the fact that it may bring customs to more people, is a cultural catastrophe. Tourism can only go in harmony with cultures as long as it is developed in a sustainable manner.
Opinions differ
as to whether
tourism
facilitates or deteriorates cultures and customs. While to a certain extent,
tourism
somehow brings traditions to a wider
range of audience
, I would argue that it causes more harm than
good
.

Mass
tourism
, with huge investments diverted into development, advertising and propagation, has made indigenous customs, several of which were
formerly
alien and unpopular, known to
people
around the world. Once a
small
local festival that were
formerly
restricted to
only
tribal
peoples
, the Cong
Chieng
carnival in the middle part of Vietnam has
greatly
emerged to become a ubiquitous tourist trap, with influxes of Vietnamese and foreigners flocking to the place every year.
Nevertheless
, I believe such popularity is
just
superficial. A
custom
known by
a lot of
people
does not
necessarily
mean a well-preserved one.

All too
often
,
tourism
brings in its wake bland cultural uniformity, or even worse, cultural assimilation. It is not rare to
see
tribal
people
, adults and children alike,
get
rid of their traditional attires for modern,
Westernised
ones worn by tourists.
Many
hotels, resorts and spas have
also
been erected
every year, encroaching on the areas where there once were villages, altars and ritual meetings.
Additionally
, the disgusting hands of
tourism
moguls have reached out to even the remotest areas, tempting indigenous
people
to work for them with promises of higher salary and a better life. As a consequence, the number of ethnic
peoples
has
greatly
shrunk in recent years, with
many
ethnic minorities
being declared
non-existent.

In conclusion
, my firm conviction is that profit-oriented
tourism
, despite the fact that it may bring customs to more
people
, is a cultural catastrophe.
Tourism
can
only
go in harmony with cultures as long as it
is developed
in a sustainable manner
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, prisons are the most common solution to crimes. However, some others believe that education is a more effective solution. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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