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What was your favorite toy when you were a child? describe this toy and explain why it was important to you, include details and examples to supprt your explanation. v.2

What was your favorite toy when you were a child? describe this toy and explain why it was important to you, include details and examples to supprt your explanation. v. 2
News media and publications have made a huge impact on our day to day lives. Some say digital and printed media are shifting our attention more towards information such as tragedies, crisis situations and that this can have a negative impact on citizens. I completely disagree with this argument, as I believe that such incidents must be highlighted to attract attention and for various other reasons. Firstly, headlines on media related to crisis situations can provide consumers a chance to better prepare. In other words, incidents and information such as terrorist attacks or natural disasters yet to happen and even medical emergencies would give the readers an opportunity to prepare in advance for the worse. For instance, the latest medical situation in China is now a worldwide pandemic according to World Health Organisation. Therefore, developing stories such as, presence of the Corona Virus in a particular country, how fast it is spreading and instructions on how we can survive must be given a higher priority than news such as, USA signing a peace deal with the Taliban. Secondly, critics who are in favour of positive stories being in the headlines say that such negative news could trigger a shock or sadness and even make readers emotional. I completely agree with this, however, in my opinion credible news is far better than being misinformed. To put differently, with the technological advancement people are now heavily reliant on the internet, therefore, reading a blog that some stranger has written where it's authenticity is questionable or a neighbour gossiping misinformation to another would be much worse than seeing shocking news on the front page of a newspaper. In conclusion, information related to a crisis or tragedies would provide better public awareness and allow readers to better prepare for pandemics such as the Corona Virus. Although, focusing more on these negative stories on the media would make the readers emotional or sad. It, however, provide credible information than misinformation from reading gossip.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and publications have made a huge impact on our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say digital and printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are shifting our attention more towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as tragedies, crisis situations and that this can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on citizens. I completely disagree with this argument, as I believe that such incidents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be highlighted
to attract attention and for various other reasons.

Firstly
, headlines on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
related to crisis situations can provide consumers a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepare.
In other words
, incidents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as terrorist attacks or natural disasters
yet
to happen and even medical emergencies would give the readers an opportunity to prepare in advance for the worse.
For instance
, the latest medical situation in China is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a worldwide pandemic according to World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
.
Therefore
, developing stories such as, presence of the
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona Virus
in a particular country, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
it is spreading and instructions on how we can survive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a higher priority than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
such as, USA signing a peace deal with the Taliban.

Secondly
, critics who are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
stories being in the headlines say that such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
could trigger a shock or sadness and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
readers emotional. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this,
however
, in my opinion credible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
being misinformed
. To put
differently
, with the technological advancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
heavily
reliant on the internet,
therefore
, reading a blog that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stranger has written where it's authenticity is questionable or a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
gossiping misinformation to another would be much worse than seeing shocking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the front page of a newspaper.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
related to a crisis or tragedies would provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
public awareness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
readers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepare for pandemics such as the
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona Virus
. Although, focusing more on these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
stories on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the readers emotional or sad. It,
however
, provide credible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
than misinformation from reading gossip.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay What was your favorite toy when you were a child? describe this toy and explain why it was important to you, include details and examples to supprt your explanation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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