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What the effects of population rapid growth in the city and how to maintain the life quality of the people who lives in the city. v.1

What the effects of population rapid growth in the city and how to maintain the life quality of the people who lives in the city. v. 1
The population is growing in the city at an alarming rate. There are myriads of reasons behind this issue which is affecting the lives of city people. People living in the residential area observe the difficulties in maintaining a quality life. To begin with, overpopulation is a burden for a city and its dwellers. This is because people are living below the poverty line, despite living in the megacity. For example, Dhaka is a metropolitan city where 69% of the population are unemployed due to the scarcity of employment opportunity. Since the government is unable to provide funding to its citizens for creating more job privilege, the majority of the people are deprived of job placement. Moreover, the authority cannot supply housing facility for the over population, so that people are, now, living in an unfurnished and poor environment. In addition, patients are more than doctors, as the city population has crossed its boundary. Thus, a growing number of people are suffocating living in city. To maintain the quality of life, living in the city, is quite hard. Despite the fact that people tend to manage all the struggles that come in front of them. For instance, people, whose earning is limited, endeavour to lead standard life, yet it is quite impossible. What is more, some families manage to live in congested places in such a way that looks, they are living comfortably. To cite an example, people are intended to build the building for extra family members, even in the slum, this is the scenario of a city. Although they seek government help, they, themselves, raise in their own feet to tackle the poor situation. Such is the case of city people who live with smiley face, but suffer a lot. In conclusion, overpopulation has become an issue these days, especially, in the city. For that reason, unemployment and limited living facility are affecting the city people badly, who attempt to come across all these issues by struggling and maintaining their lives.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is growing in the city at an alarming rate. There are myriads of reasons behind this issue which is affecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the residential area observe the difficulties in maintaining a quality life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, overpopulation is a burden for a city and its dwellers. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
below the poverty line, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacity
.
For example
, Dhaka is a metropolitan city where 69% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
are unemployed
due to the scarcity of employment opportunity. Since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is unable to provide funding to its citizens for creating more job privilege, the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are deprived
of job placement.
Moreover
, the authority cannot supply housing facility for the over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an unfurnished and poor environment.
In addition
, patients are more than doctors, as the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has crossed its boundary.
Thus
, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in city.

To maintain the quality of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the city, is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to manage all the struggles that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in front of them.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whose earning
is limited
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to lead standard life,
yet
it is quite impossible.
What is more
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families manage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in congested places in such a way that looks, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
comfortably
. To cite an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are intended
to build the building for extra family members, even in the slum, this is the scenario of a city. Although they seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, they, themselves, raise in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet to tackle the poor situation. Such is the case of city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with smiley face,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
suffer a lot.

In conclusion
, overpopulation has become an issue these days,
especially
, in the city. For that reason, unemployment and limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
facility are affecting the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
badly
, who attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across all these issues by struggling and maintaining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay What the effects of population rapid growth in the city and how to maintain the life quality of the people who lives in the city. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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