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What is your opinion about how people are working over hours and not enjoying their life? v.1

What is your opinion about how people are working over hours and not enjoying their life? v. 1
Human endeavour towards their sense of happiness is often mis-measured in comparison to welfare and health. The post-modern society has strived for evolution in terms of technology and science. However, this effort in order to solve world issues or facilitate daily life, might be consuming the wellness and innovating problems instead. Waking up a Saturday morning, gazing the sunshine through the window pane and having a nice lie-in is hardly ever accomplished due the anxiety of getting up to produce some life enhancement. And run the cold war against other humans to earn the abstract prize of “Evolved Professional”. Capitalism by its entrepreneurs incite society to innovate always and never to stop, they give a sense of caring to soften the mental heavy duty, by some labour gym, motivational lectures or even an external training. Nevertheless, the employee accountability never pauses, and a single spare time causes desperation for toil. Therefore, this hard work environment creates a belief that happiness is about fulfil time with job activities, and humanity is unable to scale good times in life, like to enjoy a Saturday morning with family, and focus on overtime producing their hard work. Given globalization establishment, humanity has gathered strength for the sake of raising new technologies, also apply technology in science. Innovative fronts have solved the questions like communication, transport and information access. Although daily routines have been facilitated, this ado begun to stress people, providing a burden to be the professional whose creation is prized by others. All in all, in order to achieve a platonic happiness, people are losing the actual state of enjoying life.
Human
endeavour
towards their sense of happiness is
often
mis-measured
in comparison
to welfare and health. The post-modern society has strived for evolution in terms of technology and science.
However
, this effort in order to solve world issues or facilitate daily
life
, might be consuming the wellness and innovating problems
instead
.

Waking up a Saturday morning, gazing the sunshine through the window pane and having a nice lie-in is hardly ever accomplished due the anxiety of getting up to produce
some
life
enhancement. And run the
cold war
against other humans to earn the abstract prize of “Evolved Professional”. Capitalism by its entrepreneurs incite society to
innovate always
and never to
stop
, they give a sense of caring to soften the mental heavy duty, by
some
labour
gym, motivational lectures or even an external training.
Nevertheless
, the employee accountability never pauses, and a single spare time causes desperation for toil.
Therefore
, this
hard
work environment creates a belief that happiness is about fulfil time with job activities, and humanity is unable to scale
good
times in
life
, like to enjoy a Saturday morning with family, and focus on overtime producing their
hard
work.

Given
globalization establishment, humanity has gathered strength for the sake of raising new technologies,
also
apply technology in science. Innovative fronts have solved the questions like communication, transport and information access. Although daily routines have
been facilitated
, this ado begun to
stress
people
, providing a burden to be the professional whose creation
is prized
by others.

All in all, in order to achieve a
platonic
happiness,
people
are losing the actual state of enjoying
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay What is your opinion about how people are working over hours and not enjoying their life? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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