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Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Another claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both opinions and tell which side do you agree? v.1

Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Another claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. v. 1
Some people think charity organisations must only help their nation. Meanwhile others believe that these charity assemblies should offer assistance to necessitous people regardless of where they live. I concur this view as it assists all needy individuals without any discrimination. On the one hand, many people believe that charity institutions have to support their own country and they claim this by helping another indigent nation. However, they may encourage it to develop a dependency on aid rather than solve their problem. In other words, they are training it to tackle their domestic issue. As the past has shown, some countries started to depend on aids they got from charities such as Somalia. Although it is true, I still believe that the assistances should not grant indigenous. Regarding the supports, they can be given in the form of training of how to fix their troubles. On the other hand, others reckon that the help has to be given to pauper individuals despite where they are. Through funding the impecunious country, wealthy countries gain benefits. For instance, the United Arab Emirates has been investigating in many developing countries such as Sudan, and due to this investment, it increases economic growth. That is the reason why I side with this opinion as both countries earn interest from the assistance. To sum up, charity institutions ought to assist impoverished people without any segregation and solve the negative effect that can develop from it as the dependency relying on aids; also through sage funding, both nations gain profit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their nation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
others believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
assemblies should offer assistance to necessitous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. I concur this view as it assists all needy individuals without any discrimination.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they claim this by helping another indigent nation.
However
, they may encourage it to develop a dependency on aid
rather
than solve their problem. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they are training it to tackle their domestic issue. As the past has shown,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to depend on aids they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charities
such as Somalia. Although it is true, I
still
believe that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistances
should not grant indigenous. Regarding the supports, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the form of training of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their troubles.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others reckon that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to pauper individuals despite where they are. Through funding the impecunious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
gain benefits.
For instance
, the United Arab Emirates has been investigating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Sudan, and due to this investment, it increases economic growth.
That is
the reason why I side with this opinion as both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
earn interest from the assistance.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
institutions ought to assist impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any segregation and solve the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect that can develop from it as the dependency relying on aids;
also
through sage funding, both nations gain profit.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Another claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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