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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.4

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 4
In the not too distant past, youngsters were empowered with adequate freedom and relaxation. Nowadays, however, those below the age of eighteen have to face enormous stress. It is essential to develop a detailed understanding of these challenges so that the steps may be taken to alleviate them. To begin with, the youth of today are pressurized by the schools, parents and the wider society. In classrooms, teenagers are expected to achieve high grades and to be like role models set by parents. For instance, in India, the competition is to an extent where it’s a crime if a student receives a single mark less than their peer. Moreover, adolescents have to confront peer pressure and are desperate to be respected by those of similar age. Finally, these young and vulnerable individuals are bombarded with messages from advertisers by exploiting the fears and insecurity which the schoolchildren naturally have. The situation is unacceptable and demands immediate attention. To address it, schools and parents should encourage kids and create an environment wherein grades shouldn’t matter and their inner talents should be focused. Schools should remove grade system which would ultimately reduce the pressure to perform among peers. Furthermore, the authorities should limit the advertisements aiming at children and harder check the content of it before publishing. To conclude, we are bringing up a generation of children who are either self-obsessed or lack self-esteem. If the situation is not acted upon immediately then we will have to pay a heavy price in the near future.
In the not too distant past, youngsters
were empowered
with adequate freedom and relaxation. Nowadays,
however
, those below the age of eighteen
have to
face enormous
stress
. It is essential to develop a detailed understanding of these challenges
so
that the steps may
be taken
to alleviate them.

To
begin
with, the youth of
today
are pressurized
by the schools, parents and the wider society. In classrooms,
teenagers
are
expected
to achieve high grades and to be like role models set by parents.
For instance
, in India, the competition is to an extent where it’s a crime if a student receives a single mark less than their peer.
Moreover
, adolescents
have to
confront peer pressure and are desperate to
be respected
by those of similar age.
Finally
, these young and vulnerable individuals
are bombarded
with messages from advertisers by exploiting the fears and insecurity which the schoolchildren
naturally
have.

The situation is unacceptable and demands immediate attention. To address it, schools and parents should encourage kids and create an environment wherein grades shouldn’t matter and their inner talents should
be focused
. Schools should remove grade system which would
ultimately
reduce
the pressure to perform among peers.
Furthermore
, the authorities should limit the advertisements aiming at children and harder
check
the content of it
before
publishing.

To conclude
, we are bringing up a generation of children who are either self-obsessed or lack self-esteem. If the situation is not acted upon immediately then we will
have to
pay a heavy price in the near future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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