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The charts show what Uk graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after college in 2008. v.1

The charts show what Uk graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after college in 2008. v. 1
In this present age, number of medical research increasing significantly day by day. Some people believe that, utilizing animals in medical studies is good for human beings, whereas others argue against it and state that, employing animals in medical laboratory is cruel. In my point of view I support the former argument. In this essay we will scrutinize both views and analyse the importance of animal usage in the medical laboratory. Do you think using animals in laboratory is a bad practice, certainly not, because in the present era, the number of new diseases rising significantly ever second. For instance, according to the latest statistics released by BBC reveals the atrocious fact that, 300 new diseases were reported in the last two years in different Asian countries. In order to tackle this problem we need new drugs to cure these illnesses. If we want to produce new drugs, we have to analyse the result of new medicine. Certainly, we cannot able to experiment the product on the human body, so we are choosing animals for this purpose. Some people believe that, employing animals in medical exercise is cruel. Furthermore, they argue that animals also have an equal right to live in this planet. Moreover, they think that, instead of using animals for research, we can use machines for this purpose. Unfortunately, if we consider the accuracy and cost, we can understand that, we cannot replace animals with technology. Because our technology did not attain that level of accuracy yet. For example, a recent attempt conducted in India used deep mining technology to find new medicine for cancer, they spent almost 1 million for this attempt, but they only got 40% of accuracy in the result. In conclusion, if we consider the necessity of new medicines, we can easily understand the importance of animal experimentation in medical studies, . Furthermore, we cannot experiment new things on the human body. So the animal experiment is vital in the medical analysis.
In this present age, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
research increasing
significantly
day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
studies is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for human beings, whereas others argue against it and state that, employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
laboratory is cruel. In my point of view I support the former argument. In this essay we will scrutinize both views and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
usage in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
laboratory.

Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in laboratory is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
practice,
certainly
not,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the present era, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
diseases rising
significantly
ever second.
For instance
, according to the latest statistics released by BBC reveals the atrocious fact that, 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
diseases
were reported
in the last two years in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Asian countries. In order to tackle this problem we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
drugs to cure these illnesses. If we want to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
drugs, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
medicine.
Certainly
, we
Did you mean "cannot be able"?
cannot able
to experiment the product on the human body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we are choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for this purpose.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
exercise is cruel.
Furthermore
, they argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
also
have an equal right to
The usual preposition for 'planet' is "on". Did you mean "live on this planet"?
live in this planet
.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
instead
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for research, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
machines for this purpose. Unfortunately, if we consider the accuracy and cost, we can understand that, we cannot replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
our technology did not attain that level of accuracy
yet
.
For example
, a recent attempt conducted in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
deep mining technology to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
medicine for cancer, they spent almost 1 million for this attempt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
40% of accuracy in the result.

In conclusion
, if we consider the necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
medicines, we can
easily
understand the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
experimentation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
studies
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Furthermore
, we cannot experiment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things on the human body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
experiment is vital in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
analysis.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts show what Uk graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after college in 2008. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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