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what is a very important skill a person should learn to be successful in the world today. why and why not? ? v.1

what is a very important skill a person should learn to be successful in the world today. why and why not? ? v. 1
It is true that some people favour movies produced within their own country. While others argue for more foreign movies and TV programmes to be imported to enrich the nation’s culture, I would argue that it would be better to promote a local entertainment industry. On the one hand, I believe that foreign movies and TV shows should be considered as a part of the contribution to acountry’s culture. Firstly, viewers are able to broaden their knowledge through imported movies and shows. For example, such a documentary based on true events as Chernobyl provides people with understanding about the reason and bad impacts of a nuclear disaster remaining today. Secondly, movies and shows are ideal sources for those who want to improve their foreign language. To demonstrate, watching sitcom like Friends series is an effective way to not only practice English but also boost their vocabulary. On the other hand, domestically produced movies and shows benefit the country’s culture through two particular forms. In terms of education, the youth have the opportunity to learn about the nation’s history, which promotes their patriotism and national pride. For instance, instead of studying boring textbooks, youngsters can explore previous events by enjoying films about their local. With regard to entertainment, local movies and shows usually reflect normal life and experience. Recently, there are such variety shows whose copyrights belong to other countries in the world are adapted by local producers as The Voice or Running Man. In conclusion, although international movies and TV shows contribute to the diversity of a country’s culture, it seems to me that local film and TV industries should be given the priority because of its educating and entertaining roles.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
produced within their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. While others argue for more foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to
be imported
to enrich the nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, I would argue that it would be better to promote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
entertainment industry.

On the one hand, I believe that foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
should
be considered
as a part of the contribution to
Possible spelling mistake found.
acountry
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Firstly
, viewers are able to broaden their knowledge through imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
For example
, such a documentary based on true
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
as Chernobyl provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with understanding about the reason and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts of a nuclear disaster remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are ideal sources for those who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their foreign language. To demonstrate, watching sitcom like Friends series is an effective way to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
practice English
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
boost their vocabulary.

On the other hand
,
domestically
produced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
through two particular forms. In terms of education, the youth have the opportunity to learn about the nation’s history, which promotes their patriotism and national pride.
For instance
,
instead
of studying boring textbooks, youngsters can explore previous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
by enjoying films about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
. With regard to entertainment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
usually
reflect normal life and experience. Recently, there are such variety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
whose copyrights belong to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world
are adapted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
producers as The Voice or Running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
.

In conclusion
, although international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
contribute to the diversity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film and TV industries should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the priority
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its educating and entertaining roles.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay what is a very important skill a person should learn to be successful in the world today. why and why not? ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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