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Topic#42 What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v.1

Topic#42 What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1
Nowadays, people are migrating from one to another country for their better lifestyle & growth in the profession. It’s quite hard to leave the native state. But, some people think that multicultural countries develop more rapidly than usual. I assent to this statement and illustrate the views in successive paragraphs. To begin with, experienced and professional person shift to another territory, could help spread the knowledge and edify their work culture with new & discrete techniques. Individuals from the same region have resemblance. But, when some outsider has come to their society to associate, after passing a period of time, those who are natives, their persona might be affected by an acquaintance of peregrines. For example, a bunch of folks come to the Australian region from the Indian subcontinent to open up a shop of the Indian cuisine, their shop, grab attention of inhabitant and people like their food and it will make revenue for them and the Australian government also. It will help the country to develop faster. Foreigner’s skills and way of thinking make a quality to resolve the issues. For instance, if an American resident made a domicile in the India and he has the ability in VFX then he could aid in film organization and it will benefit for the region to grow in a rapid way. In addition, when different cultural individuals live together, they will raise the productivity with their creative thinking and ability to sustain in any circumstances. They will live the life with good manner and exchange their culture tradition. It will form equality and destroy discrimination between communities. Furthermore, their acute skills and proficiency in whatever their profession, they grab attention towards them and it will aidful for realm. To conclude, if different cultural backgrounds folks live together, it improves the province economically and raises the development. It also states that, Unity in diversity, diversity brings joy, happiness and fulfils the country needs also.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are migrating from one to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for their better lifestyle & growth in the profession. It’s quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the native state.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
develop more
rapidly
than usual. I assent to this statement and illustrate the views in successive paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, experienced and professional person shift to another territory, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
spread the knowledge and edify their work culture with new & discrete techniques. Individuals from the same region have resemblance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outsider has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to their society to associate, after passing a period of time, those who are natives, their persona might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by an acquaintance of peregrines.
For example
, a bunch of folks
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "comes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'come' is not always incorrect.)
come
to the Australian region from the Indian subcontinent to open up a shop of the Indian cuisine, their shop, grab attention of inhabitant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like their food and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
revenue for them and the Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to develop faster. Foreigner’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and way of thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a quality to resolve the issues.
For instance
, if an American resident made a domicile in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
India and
he has the ability in VFX then he could aid in film organization and it will benefit for the region to grow
Consider replacing "in a rapid way" with the adverb for "rapid"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a rapid way
.

In addition
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together, they will raise the productivity with their creative thinking and ability to sustain in any circumstances. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the life with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner and exchange their culture tradition. It will form equality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
discrimination between communities.
Furthermore
, their acute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and proficiency in whatever their profession, they grab attention towards them and it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will aidful
for realm.

To conclude
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural backgrounds folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the province
economically
and raises the development. It
also
states that, Unity in diversity, diversity brings joy, happiness and
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulfils
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
needs
also
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Topic#42 What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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