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What factors have contributed most to the increase of international travel? v.1

What factors have contributed most to the increase of international travel? v. 1
We live in a word where there are so many options for travelling. According to a recent article, there has been an increase in international travelling. Since the article did not find the major causes of what is causing this new trend, I decided to raise two crucially important factors which could presumably contribute to this. It cannot be denied that we take most means of transport for granted and flying on a plane is becoming more prevalent. In comparison to the previous century, the cost of airline tickets has noticeably decreased. In other words, most airlines are now aiming at a wide range of public. Not only do they want to attract the affluent, but they also want to ensure that even the poorest citizens can afford to buy a ticket. Moreover, the convenience of aircraft also plays a vital role as flying is not so time-consuming. Another potential factor is global business and trade. The majority of successful companies, such as Foxconn and Apple, are spread out into the whole world. If they did not do this, they would not be able to satisfy their customers. Therefore, they often have no other option, but to dispatch their representatives who always travel by plane. Secondly, the world economy has reached its peak, that is to say, our population is buying more cars. To sum up, as far as I am concerned, global business plays a bigger role when it comes to the increase in travelling. Despite the fact that means of transport have changed, companies have a major impact. To make it clear, companies have the power to shape our society. We are under the influence of them. They set down the rules in terms of new trends in our society.
We
live
in a word where there are
so
many
options for travelling. According to a recent article, there has been an increase in international travelling. Since the article did not find the major causes of what is causing this new trend, I decided to raise two
crucially
important
factors which could presumably contribute to this.

It cannot
be denied
that we take most means of transport for granted and flying on a
plane
is becoming more prevalent.
In comparison
to the previous century, the cost of airline tickets has
noticeably
decreased.
In other words
, most airlines are
now
aiming at a wide range of public. Not
only
do they want to attract the affluent,
but
they
also
want to ensure that even the poorest citizens can afford to
buy
a ticket.
Moreover
, the convenience of aircraft
also
plays a vital role as flying is not
so
time-consuming.

Another potential factor is global business and trade. The majority of successful
companies
, such as
Foxconn
and Apple,
are spread
out into the whole world. If they did not do this, they would not be able to satisfy their customers.
Therefore
, they
often
have no other option,
but
to dispatch their representatives who always travel by
plane
.
Secondly
, the world economy has reached its peak,
that is
to say, our population is buying more cars.

To sum up, as far as I
am concerned
, global business plays a bigger role when it
comes
to the increase in travelling. Despite the fact that means of transport have
changed
,
companies
have a major impact. To
make
it
clear
,
companies
have the power to shape our society. We are under the influence of them. They set down the
rules
in terms of new trends in our society.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay What factors have contributed most to the increase of international travel? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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