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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement. v.5

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement. v. 5
Money are often tagged as a measurement of happiness. To some, wealth does not define happiness. I believe that there are merits to this statement, however, there are also factors that I do not agree with. First of all, happiness is subjective, meaning what makes you happy holds no value to others. This is because individuals have different perspective of what is meant by being happy. For instance, buying luxury cars, to some, this what makes them feel satisfied, but to others, having complete family is a true meaning of happiness. Finally, money cannot be regarded as a measurement of happiness. On the contrary, people who are affluent acquired happiness effortlessly. They can purchase anything they want in just a blink of an eye. Abundance of wealth, means being able to possess anything that they desire. For example, Kylie Jenner is being the youngest self-made billionaire. She is overwhelmed by what she has already achieved. Thus, this only dispels that money correlates to happiness. In conclusion, true happiness varies from every individual perception. It depends upon the a certain person to define their meaning of happiness.
Money
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tagged as a measurement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, wealth does not define
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. I believe that there are merits to this statement,
however
, there are
also
factors that I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is subjective, meaning what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy holds no value to others. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective of what
is meant
by being happy.
For instance
, buying luxury cars, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, this what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel satisfied,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to others, having complete family is a true meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Finally
, money cannot
be regarded
as a measurement of happiness.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are affluent acquired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
effortlessly
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
anything they want in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a blink of an eye. Abundance of wealth, means being able to possess anything that they desire.
For example
, Kylie Jenner is being the youngest self-made billionaire. She
is overwhelmed
by what she has already achieved.
Thus
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dispels that money correlates to happiness.

In conclusion
, true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
varies from every individual perception. It depends upon
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
certain person to define their meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. to this statement. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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